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SunshineSoul (original poster member #43374) posted at 11:45 PM on Saturday, May 17th, 2014
When a WS gets caught, I don't understand the need to trickle truth.
Just causes more pain and agony. Such gut, wrenching pain.
Me = BS, 38
Him = WH, 43
2 beautiful boys.
Married since 2001, together since 1998.
Dday = Feb 20, 2014.
It's just not that simple.
Allornothing ( member #42354) posted at 1:45 AM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
TT, every BS's nightmare...
The WS will say that it is to save the BS from more pain.
The truth is that they do it to save their own arses. It's still all about them.
Me- BS 44
Him- FWH 44
Married 20 years, Together 27
Kids- 24,23,16,15
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant
deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 2:01 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
What AllorNothing said x 100. It is still all about them; they don't get it yet. They might say and might even think that they are saving pain, but they are also and mostly saving their own ass! They don't want to admit more than they have to. It is selfishness - plain and simple!
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 2:03 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
Agreed. Selfishness. They don't want you to know, because they will have to face up to how much of an ass they are being. And they think you won't find it all.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
Badhurt ( member #41947) posted at 2:11 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
When someone is caught, no matter male or female, the first response is to confess is little as possible as to try to minimize the damage. Then when they get a chance to breathe, if that happens, they evaluate in most cases how they can repair what they have done or cake eat and have both.
Obviously, the more tech savvy the BS is, the harder it is to withhold since social media is used to communicate nowadays.
There are probably some instances, where the TT is actually meant with good intentions, but I'd say like others it is mostly selfish self preservation mode not specific to either sex
anothermoron ( new member #43237) posted at 2:20 PM on Sunday, May 18th, 2014
Basically we are cowards in a panic, and when cowards are panicking their instinct is to lie, or at least only say as much truth as they absolutely have to. You can tell them a hundred times that it will be better for them (not their spouses, them) if they just say everything, but they still won't get it because they're frantic, and when you're frantic you just follow your instincts, rather than logic or even emotion.
I only volunteered the whole truth after three months of TT. And my wife could tell when it was all out. People just sense these things.
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