Maybe I am old-fashioned, but since I have only had sex with someone who I was married to, could someone tell me what it is like to have sex with someone who you have no emotional connection to.
And, is it so great that you are willing to risk everything (your spouse, your kids, your job, your reputation, etc.) for it.
I'm in the same boat. The only person I've ever had sex with is my WH.
His A's were all with prostitutes, and a ONS with a howorker. It was all "just sex."
I don't get it. He told me that the whores were cheap (in Thailand, so it was less than $10). He said either he could go back to base and masturbate or use a whore to achieve the same effect.
He says it wasn't enjoyable, but if it really weren't enjoyable I would think he wouldn't have done it 16 times.
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
In that moment when I orgasm and when wh does too I feel the most intense connection to him...right down to my soul. So when it's just sex that connection is just missing? I just don't know how that's possible? Your bodies are as close as physically possible how can you not feel that connection? It confuses me. People say it all the time though...that sex can be "just sex" it just never has been for me I guess.
This is one of the hardest things to let go.
I think that it's wonderful when people have a deep, emotional connection when they have sex. I consider myself an empathetic person, but I have to admit that sex is easier (better?) for me with less emotions involved. Crazz is the only person who I ever even felt any kind of connection like that with, but it seemed to come along with a vulnerability that almost takes me out of the physical aspect.
Maybe I'm damaged goods like that, or maybe that's just how some people are wired. Either way, breaking that emotional bond with your partner and then trying to justify that it was "just" one thing or another is completely beside the point that the WS has utterly betrayed their BS on the most intimate of levels.
I'm sorry if I'm bouncing all around. I don't want to trigger anyone by saying "sometimes sex is just sex" in this context. When you're married, EVERYTHING you share should be sacred. Period.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 10:57 PM, May 17th (Saturday)]
But is it really possible to be physically intimate and not have any feelings for them?
Without a doubt, this is possible. For some, sex and emotions do not go hand in hand. Sometimes it's just about taking care of a physical need.
It doesn't make it any less hurtful for the BS, though. They are not thinking about their spouse at all when they are having sex with someone else. It is 100% selfish!
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
is it really possible to be physically intimate and not have any feelings for them?
I am younger than you and have definitely been with more than one man. It was never just sex. Sometimes love, sometimes passion.
The idea that a man is like a bowl of corn flakes when I wake up is really disgusting to me. No matter how many men I've been with. It's not just like eating or taking a dump. And if I did feel that way, I would probably never admit it.
To an extent it may be TT? I don't know. In your case I can see a co-w so they saw each other often & interacted a lot, I assume. I'm not sure how that could be only sex. Maybe he's fudging the truth from he viewed her in a mostly sexual light and he was primarily interested in her for sex (vs trying to marry her or something lol).... to it was totally sex only. I have no idea.
When people are backed into a corner they don't even know when they're lying. I don't totally buy "just sex"... if she was just a physical experience why not "just masturbate"? It could be he just doesn't want to talk about it or is only semi-aware of his motives.
I agree, why risk so much for sex, there is something else there. I would never have sex with a coworker and I'm not even married. It's certainly poor judgment. It could be a few different things, I don't know.
It seems more and more women are now also having one night stands and getting into FWB relationships.
We live in such an instant gratification society now that I don't think it's such a big deal for a lot of people in today's world.
I still had an emotional connection of a sort - that was close to 50 years ago, and I still can trigger into feeling like a shit for doing it.
[This message edited by sisoon at 4:21 PM, May 18th (Sunday)]