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Today would of been 18 years

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strawblond30 posted 5/18/2014 10:16 AM

Today would of been 18 years being married & next month will be a year divorced. I still dream of him weekly & mostly they make me jealous. No I don't want my old life back I don't want anxiety & feelings of extreme insecurities. I just feel rejected. Happy one year of freedom to me I guess

norabird posted 5/18/2014 10:20 AM


Here is a taste of hope for you:

There is nothing wrong in looking back with sadness today, but keep remembering that your freedom. IS something to celebrate, and that you will continue moving on to a healthier and happier place.

strawblond30 posted 5/18/2014 12:18 PM

Thank you!

IrishLass518 posted 5/18/2014 12:53 PM

I promise, it gets better. The "year of firsts" is tough. It will very nearly break you. Then you get through the next one and the next one and so on until it becomes a memory. This will forever change you but how it changes you is up to you. Have faith, stay strong and be proud that you are moving forward.

Helen of Troy posted 5/18/2014 16:24 PM

It sounds like you're still grieving.
It can be tough to understand this kind of grief. You don't want him back and glad it is over yet part of you is still mourning a loss; the loss of the marriage. The marriage is dead. (google "ring coffin" you'll either laugh or cry. I cried at the beginning now I feel indifferent) Even if you truly HATE the ex, it is still a loss. Add to that a long term marriage, and well it can be a jumble of feelings and emotions all at once. You sound like a person who has become very honest, even if it was sh*tty. His rejection of you no longer matters. Now get out there and go do something nice for yourself, get your toenails done or an eyebrow wax or just a quiet afternoon. Fill yourself up, he's gone. Do everything you've always wanted to do but didn't because he didn't approve or didn't want to, etc. Focus on the things you don't miss about him.

justinpaintoday posted 5/18/2014 17:25 PM

Straw: Sorry friend...I am not there yet but am anticipatoing challeneges along the way. I hope you find peace today.

betrayedidiot posted 5/19/2014 14:24 PM

I'm so sorry I know this is tough. Can you do something special for YOU? You have your own future and freedom to look toward!

My 20th would have been in September. We had planned a special vacation. Maybe I will go with my daughter. she is the only reason to celebrate my marriage.

GotPlayed posted 5/19/2014 17:34 PM

My 19th is six days from now. I moved out at the end of December. I can relate.

Trying not to think about it. At least I don't have the kids that day. Nobody will see me cry. I hope I don't hear back from the kids anything.

I should plan something. The beach, maybe. And like you, I've been thinking lately that at least I have peace. No more emotional abuse.

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