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Newest Member: Ibelieved (46047)

User Topic: Alien invasion?
mchercheur
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3 years out. R is progressing---in some ways our marriage is better ---we definitely talk more, thanks to a great MC. My gut wound is still healing, but the pain still flairs up at times--I am still aware that the wound is there every day. Things feel comfortable in our house again.

Sometimes, it is almost hard to believe that WH’s A really happened. Every once in a while it will hit me:
“OMG, while I was home holding down the fort & taking care of our 4 kids, WH had a sexual relationship with another woman!”

After 22 years together building our family, & thinking I was married to an honorable man, who I unquestioningly trusted 100%,
I was truly blindsided on Dday.

I remember thinking during the weeks before & after Dday:
Who is this extraterrestrial alien who is occupying my husband's body, & what did it do with my husband?”
WH was unrecognizable.

I know that other BSs have had this same feeling. I am hoping that there are WSs out there who can explain what it is like to be in the head of the person whom the alien invaded.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 1:31 PM, May 18th (Sunday)]


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1465 | Registered: Dec 2012
bionicgal
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During the affair, mchercheur?

Regardless, what does your H say?


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
mchercheur
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, during his A it was like a stranger was living in WH's body----not the husband that I knew.
WH says: "I don't know how I let that happen."


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1465 | Registered: Dec 2012
LeftOutintheCold
♀ 42856
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting question that I'd love to know the answer to as well. My WH is still in the A and is still a complete stranger to me. His behavior has changed so dramatically since Dday that I've even had people ask me if he was on drugs.


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
hurting mom
♀ 12869
Member # 12869
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I said the same thing about my WH. He had an affair some years ago, and seemed to make a very genuine reconciliation afterward. He was remorseful, kind and willing to work to rebuild. I was very proud of him.

Fast forward...now the A has flared up again. Now he's saying, "I haven't loved you in years. I was just going through the motions." He is cold, unfeeling and unremorseful. He refuses to work on the marriage and has filed for divorce.

My conclusion is that BOTH persona are in there. It is kind of creepy and scary. I wish the good H persona would come back, but I've seen too much of the resentful, festering, coldhearted one to get over it now.


Posts: 51 | Registered: Dec 2006
strad
♀ 41509
Member # 41509
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After d day, my WXH became unrecognizable as the man I had been married to for over 25 years. Kidnapped by aliens is as good an explanation as any.


Me: BW, 49
WH, 51
son, 18
d-day 10/1/13
married 26 years
Divorced 3/21/14

Posts: 42 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
purplejacket4
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called my fWS a pod person. I even told her she sounded like a new member of the Borg. "Resistance to OW is futile." She later told me she didn't recognize the person doing all that. She did weird out of character things like getting Victoria secret lacy underwear and bras for OW. For my fWS that was as unusual as most people's WH going and getting lacy bras for THEMSELVES!


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2361 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Topic Posts: 7

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