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Newest Member: fightingforme (48764)

User Topic: How did you get 'his stuff' out of the house?
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Angry  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During mediation we agreed that what he brought into the marriage would be given back to him and as I am keeping the family home that I would keep the contents, which really is nothing exciting. He brought a lot of furniture, antiques, into the marriage and I didn't ask to keep any of it.

So I've asked him to get his stuff out by early June, he of course is being cagey about when he will even come because it will be expensive for him to rent a truck and a storage locker, poor thing. The BIG problem that I now have is when I told him I'd pack his stuff up and put it in the garage for moving day he has now responded with saying that he wants to go through the house because it's not reasonable for me to keep everything! Oh hell no.

I fear this is getting ugly, once again.
I kicked him out our last dday and he hasn't been in the house since, it's a massive trigger to have him do so. Question for you all is does he have a right to come back in here to pack up his things and go 'shopping' for whatever else he wants? How did all of you deal with packing especially if you, the BS, are still in the home?

Me (BS) 40 Him (who cares)
Married 8 years, 2 young kids

2014 Divorced!!

Posts: 154 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to endure a day of him going through stuff, with me stuck to his side because he'd already tried to sneak stuff out previously.

I made sure the children were out all day. I now wish I'd had someone there with me too.

At one point I did lose it: He complained that he wanted some of my personal/gifted books and my new bookcase. I told him no. Then we went into another room and he was annoyed that I wanted to keep 2 books from one whole bookcase (he'd already taken 2 large bookcases worth of books and was emptying a third). So I told him that was what you got from fucking someone else. It's called a consequence, those were joint marital assets and that meant that they had to be divided. And hey, wasn't this what he'd wanted all along? Why was he so unhappy.?!?

I was so hurt/angry. It was very, very hard.

Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - Unremorseful passive aggressive blameshifter. Many EA's & at least 1 PA. Dday Aug 2012. He walked out April 2013, wanting D, now stalling

ds5, ds7

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him

Posts: 1449 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Softcentre, that makes me just sick to think of. Him going through the whole house and me standing by. It's insane is what it is. I wonder if I have the right to tell him he can't come in the house? I have been awarded the home in the split but the divorce doc is going through lawyers right now so it remains unsigned.

Thanks for the tip about having someone be there with me, I hope it doesn't come to that. Why don't these guys just slink the hell off with their tails between their legs like they should??

Me (BS) 40 Him (who cares)
Married 8 years, 2 young kids

2014 Divorced!!

Posts: 154 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He probably knows this will piss you off which is the exactly reason why he is trying to get back in the house. If I were in your shoes, I would make it clear that I was calling the shots. I like the idea of moving all of his things into the garage for moving day. Once he has removed all items from the garage (how long do you think that will take?), then have 1 - 2 neutral parties with you while he does a walk through. Let him make a list of items he would like. Give yourself 24 hours to decide what items he can/can't remove. Then agree on a date for him to remove said items from the garage.

FTG. and tons of hugs for you (((((StrongAlone)))))

Me (FBS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 16
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2586 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand, is this already in the settlement? I would contact my lawyer and let him/her know that stbxpos needs to make a list of the antiques/furniture that he brought into the marriage and expects to take out. Specify a date that the shit has to be moved out (for ex-shat it was 30 days after the D was settled). Then have people present on the day he shows up. Big, strong, scary people. FTG.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4956 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 42565
Member # 42565
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put piles in his space in the garage. Took a few weeks of doing this, but got it out each time he came to pick up the kids, AND prevented him from pulling into the garage:)

Me: BS, 44
Him: WH, 44
DS, 16
DD, 12
Married 18 years, together 25
separated; filed for divorce
AP: coworker (his nurse-also married, 2 small kids, was her husband's mistress during his previous marriage)

Posts: 157 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Texas
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like Tesla's idea. You have a mediated agreement. He doesn't get to change is mind now.

I would pack his stuff into the garage as you offered, then change the locks to the house. No way should he "go through the house!" FTG.

To protect yourself, take pictures of his stuff in the garage so he can't say you withheld it. Also, make sure he knows that things not picked up by ____ date are abandoned property and will be disposed of.

"Better not give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 2572 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♀ 29826
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I gave him written notice, and one reminder to remove the residual skid mark of his pathetic existence from my house. 10 weeks is plenty of time to arrange a truck, or his pussy posse. On the date he was provided I moved the remainder of his shit out and put it in the car port. Its been sitting there for a week. This week it goes out to the curb, I want to park my car there. This need of his to cling... it is down right creepy. You know, in a creepy 50yr old drunk uncle with thinning hair who sends out pics of his junk on the internet kind of way. Oh. Wait. He is that guy. Good luck to the latest cumdumpster and good riddance to a parasitic waste of oxygen.

and that is how I got 'his stuff' out of the house.

Me 48yrs, king of douchebagastan- 50yrs STD infected bankrupt NPD sociopathic drunk thief
countless A's, he is a predator that targets losers like himself
Last Dday 04/12/2010-Divorcing if/when his cumdumpsters lend him some $ or balls to file

Posts: 1522 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Ingersoll Ontario
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd have an off-duty policeman there when he shows up. It will totally ruin his "fun" at being on your property.

I would have his things gathered in one spot. No walk through.

My off-duty policeman was in full uniform and drove his patrol vehicle. FT showed up with two other dudes to do an appraisal and was really surprised/embarrassed/angry. Win for Compartmented!! The other dudes slunk around and looked embarrassed.

Posts: 1506 | Registered: Aug 2010
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my god, some of your responses had me laughing so hard, that feels great!

We agreed in mediation for him to take his stuff and for me to keep mine but I'm kind of keeping the stuff that was 'ours' because I got rid of all my university stuff and he keep hauling his stupid antiques crap around everywhere. So yes you are all right, I'm going to ask for an itemized list and then pile it all in the basement so that he has a flight of stairs to go up and down.

Then when the day comes I will have my parents and my sister and her husband here to supervise. I'm getting my brother in law to move his dumb ass motorcycle out of the garage where it sits taking up just enough room so I can't park my car in there. What the hell is wrong with these guys?? He's such a giant dick wad.

Me (BS) 40 Him (who cares)
Married 8 years, 2 young kids

2014 Divorced!!

Posts: 154 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At our hearing, we agreed he would bring 1 friend and I brought one friend. I had all the stuff in the garage. FTG he wasn't going to be in this house ever again!

Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2711 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is exactly it Homewrecked. It's like I've cleared his disgusting juju out of the house and hell if I want him back in here ever again!

Me (BS) 40 Him (who cares)
Married 8 years, 2 young kids

2014 Divorced!!

Posts: 154 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd change/add some locks to the doors and change the garage door codes if I were you. I wouldn't put it past him to come into the home while you aren't home.

Me - 43
DD(22), DS(19, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryInSac) - 47
Together 8, M 5yrs. DDay 7/12/14
I filed for D 5/18/15.
He committed suicide 5/28/15.

XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

Posts: 7514 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GabyBaby I changed the locks on the day of my final DDay, best decision I ever made. Then my parents outfitted the garage with new shiny locks! I don't think I could sleep at night otherwise. Thanks though.

Me (BS) 40 Him (who cares)
Married 8 years, 2 young kids

2014 Divorced!!

Posts: 154 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
♂ 41150
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had this discussion with my attorney last week.
During the first (LS) hearing, the Skank Whore's lawyer made a big deal about some old cookware, some cheap "china" and some "crystal" (that is actually ordinary glass) that SW brought into the marriage. She (the SW's lawyer) kept saying that we need to arrange a time for SW to come "and go through the house" to get those items.

My lawyer told me to pack that crap in boxes, being careful not to damage it. Then let her know when the shit will be waiting on the curb a couple of days in advance so that she will have time to notify opposing counsel.

My order gives me "sole ownership, use, and control" of the house and all of it's contents.

SW snuck out in such a hurry that she left a LOT of other stuff here. Sentimental stuff... memories of dead family members and such. I am trying to decide if I want to be the "bigger" person and include that stuff, or assume that she cares about the memories of her family as much as she cares about the memories of our marriage... and just throw that shit away.

Decisions, decisions.

But I would say that depending on the conditions of your Order, you can curb his shit.

Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pack it all up. Keep a list of everything you packed up, and perhaps pictures you can print out showing you packed it all into 10 boxes, a pic of 10 boxes in the garage, etc. Don't want them coming back later saying you didn't pack stuff you did.

Justjim...I'd pack up anything of hers that you don't want for her to pick up....think of it as free garbage pick up. You don't want it, you want it out of the house...yeah, she can take it all.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5821 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 16

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