iam new to this site sadly but it is alreday such a great help. peoples advice is fantastic, its honest and form experience.
i just wanted you to know that iam in the same boat as you.
d day for me was only 3 weeks ago, im 8 1/2 months pregnant.
because my husband has sat and talked for hours, answered every question, even intimate details i have wanted to know.
been open with phone, his where abouts, started counselling and got tested for sti's without lots of prompting has helped me a great deal.
if and when a question pops in my head i ask it, he answers.
he tells me when/where hell be and i can pop and see him at any time.
im welcome to ring his work mate if i get a sense of panic that hes lying.
he does all of this without me asking, and for some reason i dont feel i need to check.
maybe im a fool but i believe him.
i give you quick update on my story:
together 8years married 4.
moved 2 years ago work pressure, anxiety and depression led my husband to have a break down.
this year thigs seems better until feb he started acting really distant and cold. he didnt sleep,was ill daily, cried several times a day, no interest in sex i wrongly assumed he was panicking about baby and all would be ok.
7 weeks ago he finally said i dont think i love you anymore, whoa! huge shock tried to work at things but he seemes to get more ill, he looked awful. we decided the stress wasnt good for either of us or baby so moved out. no contact for 5days- so not him. 3weeks after i moved out he begged me to come home.
i did after letting him stew for few days (i had missed him like crazy)
day i was back he said he needed help and he was so happy to see me.
then i received a message from dim girl we know saying he didnt love me and just wanted baby.
i asked what was going on why was he talking to her (20yr old knows nothing type girl) and he confessed ALL.
ouch hit me like a frieght train.
long story sorry just wanted you to know my back ground.
he sat on the floor sobbing and shaking uncontrollably- told me he had been sleeping with her was 1 night stand after his break down.he then cut contact for 8months because he couldnt believe he had done it. ( i work with him so know that he cant have been seeing her,so believe this)
anyway he says that time was all him, but he doesnt und why, he felt it was an escape from work pressure.
this year work again got very tough, he was over the moon i was pregnant but after 3months he became this distant stranger, turns out he met her for coffee and slept with her.
whats weird is he never saw her evenings or weekends, was always where he said he was but just didnt tell me he saw her once a week for an hour. very wham bam tham k you mam.
his actions made him belive he didnt love me if he coud do that, he swears he really thought he didnt love me but knew he didnt want me to leave.
the first week i left he saw her 3 times and he let her stay in our home (this sickens me)2nd weeks i was away he cooled it, 3rd week he told her he did love me.
anyway he told me he did tell her he loved her but has no idea why as he knows he didnt, he also said if i hadnt have come back he wouldnt have seen her again, he never took her anywhere because he didnt want anyone to see him with her.
anyway thats it really, he could have just said he confided in her but he didnt he told me all this.
and weirdly he now says like your husband he feels free and lighter,its all out in the open, i know everything, he doesnt have to worry about me finding out, he said hes so glad i know, hes drained he sleeps so well, hes not ill, hes putting on weight that he lost, i can also see the pain in his eyes, if i cry he holds me, if i shout he takes it,and i can say discusting things when im mad. he breaks down in tears if i threaten to leave, because he hates what hes done to me.
i know hes sorry, he kisses,cuddles holds my hand all the time.makes me feel beautiful and loved like he used to make me feel.
touches my tummy, talks about baby more than i do! has interest in work and doing things round house something tahts mising these last few weeks.
being pregnant and feeling huge i did not think i would want sex with him for a long time (girl was lovely size 8) but i do, in a way i think its like reclaiming what is mine. i want him to be mine and its great. the first time i cried afterwards about how i couldnt compare, but he said it was never about the sex, it was never better with her because it wasnt me.
whilst your husband feels free, you hurt more. i do too, i cant believe my marriage wasnt perfect i truly thought it was.
one man i never thought would cheat was my husband, he says the same, he cant get his roound it.
some days im so bloody angry, i could hit im or say things just to hurt him. but i try and keep busy on those days, think back to times before the A started
every memory after A feels like its tainted.
its all very new and raw, i want to make it work because i believe my husband is a good man- even after comitting this huge sin.
i do know he loves me, our baby deserves to know that we tried our hardest to make it work.
i wonder if its the fact that theyve shown such remorse and are sorry for what they ahve done?
it must be hard if wh wont acknowledge what they have doen?
maybe the honesty makes you feel closer?
and better bonded.
whatever it is, you are not alone i feel exactly the same xx