SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

After my last post asking why it was taking so long to get disclosure, I completely flipped out on my therapist and our marriage counselor. I was told, again, that getting full disclosure can take a year or two. That isn't working for me. So I demanded that we do it now and that I get the phone records and he gets an iPhone for the tracking service. It took well over a month but I have both.

Now what? I've tried googling a few numbers but I'm not getting anywhere. I've noticed a frequency of a few numbers going back as far as the 18 months that verizon keeps records for.

I know I'm supposed to wait until 50 post to get tin to the investigative tips forum but I'm desperate. Our full disclosure is on Thursday. Short of just asking (and trusting he's going to tell the truth) I don't know what else to do.

I feel that calling and hanging up might look...crazy.

Also, in a random conversation yesterday he was talking casually about a girl if never heard of. I asked if he slept with her and he actually said yes. 3 yrs ago. Right after our sin was born. He said he didn't want to say no and then tell me yes on Thursday.

Idk. I'm a bit of a mess right now.

How can I look up who owns these numbers? Aside from Google, Facebook, and craigslist? I've cross rednecked gmail contacts as we'll.

Sorry for the typos. Two toddlers and I'm typing fast while they pull on me. Ug. Ty in advance

I was told, again, that getting full disclosure can take a year or two.

What?! That's ridiculous. Find new counselors.

What you're describing doesn't sound like R. It takes two to R, and you appear to be doing all the work.

I agree with 20Wrongs.

Take the phone records and look for patterns.
Look for calls that occur outside of 'normal' hours/times. (you can sign up for spokeo, but it's not 100% accurate).

Make a list of 'suspect' numbers. Use highlighters, if necessary. If your WH is 'all in' on this R thing, then you can work through who the numbers belong to together. Have him call the numbers that you can't link a name to.....when the call is answered he can claim "oh sorry, butt dial."

As to what 20W and Coma said....your WH needs to let YOU take the lead on this and he needs to listen to you in regards to what you *need*. If he is going to hide under the skirts of the counselor's that you guys are seeing, then there is trouble on the horizon.....

I went through our phone records and subscribed to Spokeo which allowed me to enter in phone numbers and in most (not all) cases it revealed the owner of the phone. I then went to FB to see if I could find the people. It was long and tedious but I also just called a few numbers one night and I called the freaking neighbor and sounded like an idiot...so that is when I resorted to the other method! So after I did all of this, I called a PI who gave me the # to his "computer guy", yep then I just took his old phone and had it scanned and received a full report complete on a CD. My next move is to take his current phone.

This whole experience had made me a crazy person. When I feel out of control the actions above are what I resorted to. I'm sorry you're going through this but you are not alone! I have never in my whole life felt so out of control at times and never have I obsessed over things like this. My IC doesn't understand why I keep returning to investigative mode but my WH was manic and on prescription drugs so I get a lot of dumb victim like answers such as "I don't remember" or "I really don't know". This sends me over the edge. Now he is off of everything and I'm supposed to accept that he never would have done this except....I don't feel like I know everything he did.

Hang in there - and I would have flipped out on the therapists too 1-2 years is ridiculous!

I'll agree with gonna, Spokeo may be your best bet. It's pretty accurate but not totally.

Who are these counselors? Are they CSATs? I've heard others who go to them talk about the disclosure appointments...I know they train on a boilerplate to become a CSAT...gotta say that doesn't make me enthused to hear if that is their common retort to wait a year or two for disclosure. Sounds more like wait until the couple settles in to a new normal, then let the dogs out!

In addition to what was mentioned above look for repeated text messages to the numbers too. Especially at odd times as stated earlier. My huicloud. was texting "her" while I was asleep.

Also see if he clears his Internet history on his phone. And use the icloud feature to sync his text messages so youcan check them onlin.