Okay, dday was 6 years ago, second one just under 5 years. I could count one one hand the number of times I've had an orgasm orally from H since then.
I just have an extremely hard time relaxing. H (during his head up ass period) told me AP said he was very persistent for her. Nice, that put a visual in my mind I really didn't need. I think that's where the problem comes from. I can't enjoy it because I still think of that. It seems like the only time I can is if I've been drinking a lot.
I rarely have a problem with sex anymore. Hardly any mind movies ever.
I can use a toy and not have a problem. We use one often and H is fine with it. I just want that back for us, for myself.