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term of endearment slip up

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ThatGuyNoMore posted 5/19/2014 06:41 AM

It's been 10 weeks since DDay of my 6 yr LTA. Last night while cuddling with my BS, feeling close, I slipped up: for the first time, I called my BS a term of endearment that I frequently used with my AP. We both new it immediately when it happened. I tried to recover & I apologized, but the damage had been done. I hurt her feelings badly. It reminded her of all the intimacy I had with my AP that I didn't have with my BS. It reminded her of all the hurtful things that my AP said in messages to my BS in the days and weeks after DDay. It felt like a big set back for us in our healing. I feel awful.

somethingremorse posted 5/19/2014 08:42 AM

I understand. It feels awful.

IMO, those triggers and setbacks are practically unavoidable. All I can suggest is to not minimize the harm that those triggers cause and apologize for the specific action. Also, I think it's human to slip up every once in a while. If we do it all the time,on the other hand, it indicates that we do not care about our BS triggers. So just try to be mindful all the time.

Alyssamd24 posted 5/19/2014 16:34 PM

Just wanted to say I can relate to this and understand how you feel....I had no terms of endearment for xAP but I had nicknames for him....shortly after the final dday I called my BH the same thing and didnt realize that he was aware that I referred to XAP that was very uncomfortable and I felt absolutely horrible about it.

Alyssamd24 posted 5/19/2014 16:34 PM

Double post

[This message edited by Alyssamd24 at 4:34 PM, May 19th (Monday)]

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