YEAH, WHAT NIK SAID! Don't make me come over there!
After you realize you are with an NPD (or whatever personality disorder), you have to figure out what disorder you have that you allowed you to tolerate their behavior, cause it was NOT a healthy relationship, on either side.. So many times here, it seems like it's co-dependency that we need to work on.
I'm not sure exactly what co-dependency is, but I think of it like needing someone else's attention or approval to feel good about yourself.. And NPDs love taking advantage of that. Here's the definition of co-dependency on Wiki:
Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.
I can hear the low self-esteem and insecurity in your words. You WANT him to appreciate you like he should, but it shouldn't make you feel any less about yourself if he doesn't. Try taking a step back and asking yourself if you think this guy's opinion really matters..
I mean, look what he basically said to you: "I coulda had some slut at the office, cause I'm awesome, and if you were good enough, you could have me too." OMG, REALLY?!? Was he trying to make you jealous? Would you EVER date a douchebag that said that to you?? WTF is that?!? You need to STOP judging your worth by what that guy says to you.
The vows of marriage meant everything to me too, never even considered cheating, but marriage takes two people, and I couldn't keep my vows by myself. Even GOD said we don't have to stick around after adultery. Abuse and infidelity, the two things even God told us we don't have to put up with.
You are definitely faithful with your love, but you don't have to be anymore in this marriage. That guy doesn't deserve it, and no one, including God, is expecting you to. And it's none of his business what you decide for yourself anymore. You get to set your own standards and morals for who you want to be, regardless of what he does, and you get to decide what kind of people you want to surround yourself with.
It sometimes sounds like you still want him to get it, like you still want him to come around. It may be co-dependency and you NEEDING him to love you and respect you and care about you. But you don't need him! He's being so mean to you and making you feel like crap, and I want you to start finding your confidence NOW. His opinion of you DOES NOT MATTER.