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Faithful w/Love posted 5/19/2014 08:33 AM

Does he feel I fell off the boat yesterday? Most of it is the gut feelings and dreams that tell me when something just is not right and then I listen to his words, and saw his phone scrolling.

He did tell me that he will take this separation and do things differently this time. He will date (which I know he is trolling for a certain person he works with... Said "what if the person I belong with is out there and I do nothing" I said "well I think the person you were suppose to be with is the one you took vows with in front of God but you just could keep your vows, promises, or you dick in your pants.

Said " I hate to see you hurt and I am not trying to do that. I don't want to see you cry or anything". "we just don't have it anymore"
"But I know you will not date because you said you would not"
I said" I will when we are divorce.. I will not commit adultery or break my vow. But, after that I will and after I get myself together and over all this.

Then he tells me "I could have taken a teacher home from that party, she was all on me and has tried many times but I don't want that and I came home and sent her on her way".

Nope you didn't because that is not the one you want.

I said" you said everyone knows you are married? Yet, I don't know any of the staff you work with and are you telling me that all these woman want to be with a married man? So there is that many woman out there without morals/ yet you don't wear your ring (for years), you are never seen out with me (because then you will have to answer questions), so nope I think you pro trade yourself as single.

And then I pretty much left it alone.

Through this whole conversation " I keep thinking, wow, I am nothing and worthless to him, used up, and he needs to have someone younger. The woman he looks for are in their early 30's.

So he will have the house and show it off with get togethers and be like "see look at me, this is all mine, do like my house"?

norabird posted 5/19/2014 08:49 AM

You are worth so much more than this.

Try not to interact with him--everything he says is going to drive you crazy. His head is so far up his ass, I'm sorry.

(((Faithfulw/Love)))

Faithful w/Love posted 5/19/2014 09:17 AM

Thanks nor,
I know they all read from the same manual but it is just disgusting.

I just needed to get that off my chest and out of my head. Just can't believe the shit some people say.

sparkysable posted 5/19/2014 09:20 AM

Mine wanted to know where I got my info also.

I think he wanted to take lessons to learn how to take his A's further underground.

Don't tip your hand with this guy. Protect yourself.

Faithful w/Love posted 5/19/2014 09:50 AM

Oh I won't tell him.
Funny thing is is that he tells on himself..
I learned to listen very carefully.

Nature_Girl posted 5/19/2014 10:16 AM

Of course I think you should STOP TALKING TO HIM. But wouldn't it be funny to give him the classic response of "A little bird told me"?

Faithful w/Love posted 5/19/2014 10:19 AM

NG,
I wish I could but he would really think that someone told me and would really be on the war path. I am just abiding my time.

I think it is funny he is on the search for the "ONE"... and wants to take this time to explore it!

Really???

GingerAle posted 5/19/2014 10:25 AM

He is an idiot. And a very insecure one. I think it's good you got that off your chest, but now don't interact with him anymore.

My STBXWH is his own worst enemy when it comes to getting caught. Another insecure idiot. Focus on your amazing self, Faithful!

deena posted 5/19/2014 11:17 AM

So sorry for what you have to go thru Faithful.

Anyone that talks like this is not worth communicating with in any way.
He is so obviously trying to push your buttons.
Please don't let him. No communication with someone like this is for the best.
It will drive him nuts and keep you calm.
And if he does happen to spit something out to you when it is unavoidable to see him......just smile and walk away.
No reaction will drive him nuts. Or at least stop that kind of crap talk.

You don't deserve that kind of treatment.....walk away from it.

Faithful w/Love posted 5/19/2014 11:44 AM

Thanks Deena,
I am trying my best to keep quiet.

I was really thinking of this and how sick it is when you are in NPD marriage or relationship.
It is like we (codependent)feed off the drama, like we become addicted to the cycle of it all, until we are emotionally spent!

Do I like the drama... HELL NO but I fed into it all the time. If I didn't I would not have enabled, tried to fix him, talk sense into him, all of the things that we do.

We also go into denial, like we can not believe that we got caught into the web. How can he do this to me after all the love and sacrifices I did. Truth is... we did all this to try to get love and our needs met like we were meeting theirs. We gave and they never gave back really unless it was for their benefit. He may not be a full blown NPD but I am pretty sure he is very close.

It crazy when I look at him, I see he breaths like me, he has a heart beat like me, he feel physical pain like me, he see color like me, but he doesn't feel emotions like me.

So sad!

nowiknow23 posted 5/19/2014 13:55 PM

Through this whole conversation " I keep thinking, wow, I am nothing and worthless to him, used up, and he needs to have someone younger. The woman he looks for are in their early 30's.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OR LESSER OR WORTHLESS ABOUT YOU!!!

If a legally blind person were to look at the Mona Lisa, they wouldn't see the priceless treasure that it is, right? They would not be able to appreciate it's beauty and worth, because they couldn't see it. That doesn't make the Mona Lisa worthless!

You KNOW this. Being around his lame ass keeps bringing you back to the same flawed internal scripts. Stop listening to him! Don't make me come up there and kick your behind!

((((FwL))))

Faithful w/Love posted 5/19/2014 14:21 PM

LOL Nik,
I do need a ass whooping for allowing him to make me feel that way...

Sorry!!!

I know I am not that but that is how it makes me feel at the time.

ear plugs are in...

I will be better when I am on my own... I promise my confident will come back.

PurpleRose posted 5/19/2014 15:27 PM

Faithful, you and I joined SI the same month/year. I know you are going to feel so much better about yourself and your situation once the D is final and done!

Hang in there and do not give this creepy loser any more head space. He does not deserve it!

Faithful w/Love posted 5/19/2014 15:57 PM

Purple,
That is crazy... I wish I would have found this site 2 years prior... A started in Aug 2009.

I know that you are RIGHT>..
Thank you

nowiknow23 posted 5/19/2014 16:14 PM

Also class of Aug. 2011 - and PR is right on. Sunshine ahead, FwL.

ButterflyGirl posted 5/19/2014 17:02 PM

YEAH, WHAT NIK SAID! Don't make me come over there!

After you realize you are with an NPD (or whatever personality disorder), you have to figure out what disorder you have that you allowed you to tolerate their behavior, cause it was NOT a healthy relationship, on either side.. So many times here, it seems like it's co-dependency that we need to work on.

I'm not sure exactly what co-dependency is, but I think of it like needing someone else's attention or approval to feel good about yourself.. And NPDs love taking advantage of that. Here's the definition of co-dependency on Wiki:

Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.

I can hear the low self-esteem and insecurity in your words. You WANT him to appreciate you like he should, but it shouldn't make you feel any less about yourself if he doesn't. Try taking a step back and asking yourself if you think this guy's opinion really matters..

I mean, look what he basically said to you: "I coulda had some slut at the office, cause I'm awesome, and if you were good enough, you could have me too." OMG, REALLY?!? Was he trying to make you jealous? Would you EVER date a douchebag that said that to you?? WTF is that?!? You need to STOP judging your worth by what that guy says to you.

The vows of marriage meant everything to me too, never even considered cheating, but marriage takes two people, and I couldn't keep my vows by myself. Even GOD said we don't have to stick around after adultery. Abuse and infidelity, the two things even God told us we don't have to put up with.

You are definitely faithful with your love, but you don't have to be anymore in this marriage. That guy doesn't deserve it, and no one, including God, is expecting you to. And it's none of his business what you decide for yourself anymore. You get to set your own standards and morals for who you want to be, regardless of what he does, and you get to decide what kind of people you want to surround yourself with.

It sometimes sounds like you still want him to get it, like you still want him to come around. It may be co-dependency and you NEEDING him to love you and respect you and care about you. But you don't need him! He's being so mean to you and making you feel like crap, and I want you to start finding your confidence NOW. His opinion of you DOES NOT MATTER.