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GotPlayed posted 5/19/2014 09:32 AM

Took my kids to a concert. DD8 immediately found a friend from school who was with her dad and started chatting. DS10 has severe autism and doesn't speak. He was very wiggly. I played with him, we walked back and forth, I turned one of the programs into a paper airplane so he'd entertain himself unfolding and folding it. Then the music started.

Since it's a music concert, jumping and flapping your hands is, well, normal. So I would look at him, get excited along with him and imitate his jumping. He felt right at home and had a great day.

Then Sunday, the father of DD8's friend came to me at church. "I just wanted to say hello and tell you you're a very good dad". I felt moved that someone would notice. I was just trying to get my son to "get through" the very loud, very stressful (for a child with Autism) environment so he'd enjoy the outing.

By the way this dad is the husband of my DD8's teacher. STBXWW volunteers at the school. There's no way this won't get back to her.

Then the sermon made this grown man cry.

The sermon at church? Jonah. The importance of obedience. The hell we unleash on ourselves and others when we don't walk the good path, and the eventual special joy we will have by doing the right thing under tough circumstances.

The sermon's example? A couple where the wife was unfaithful and left for another man, the owner of a lake house the couple had just bought for their retirement. She got a quick divorce, upended her life and that of everyone around her and two weeks after marrying her new man, he died of a heart attack.

You can't make this stuff up.

Pentup posted 5/19/2014 11:02 AM

((Got Played)) that is an awesome compliment coming from another Dad!

I understand about the sermons hitting home.

deena posted 5/19/2014 11:23 AM

You do sound like a great dad.
I work with special needs kids. I have great admiration for the parents. And you can tell which parents go the extra mile with their special ones. The kids are special and deserve respect.

Big pat on the back for you!!

And that is why you got the sign in church. It's another pat on the back from someone greater.

GotPlayed posted 5/19/2014 18:34 PM

Thank you deena!

It's very hard to parent a SN kid. WW lays it on thick about that as a motivator for the waywardness, which makes me sad and angry because it's throwing DS10 under the bus a little bit. And I understand how this is very hard, but it still doesn't justify infidelity.

After all, I'm the other parent. And as a guy I may not have been as involved as I should have (and yes, there's no suffering quite like that of a mother) but it's not like I was just a fixture doing nothing - I helped, I suffered. And my only son is the way he is, which means a lot of the "man-to-man" father-son relationship all men dream of for our kids simply won't happen with me. So it's not like she's the only one who suffers here. Yet I stayed faithful.

What's worse is that she told OM that she could use DS10 to extract more $ of support from me. Or at least that's what loser OM texted me. The whole thing is tragic. And here I am, trying to figure out how to do the right thing by DS10 while letting her suffer the consequences of her actions.

I read somewhere "God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. He must think I'm Rambo". I got a chuckle, and I think I want to print that and carry it around.

kg201 posted 5/19/2014 19:37 PM

Nicely done GP. The social stigma surrounding our autistic kids is so strong that having another parent recognize your parenting skills around a difficult situation for your child is great. Coolness.

deena posted 5/20/2014 01:20 AM

I find it frustratingly sad when I hear a WS making it hard on the BS regarding support and children.

You would think they would have some compassion for hurting someone they were supposed to love.
But no I guess if they did have more compassion they wouldn't have cheated.

A person can only hope for karma..

GotPlayed posted 5/20/2014 14:25 PM

No compassion. She complained when I started providing support that it wasn't enough (our Ls used the calculator for providing it, and she has money of her own in a trust - in the meantime I'm eating mostly at home, mostly rice + beans while I understand my new financial situation and D is finalized). Then when support started going through the state and my work's payroll lady accidentally sent a check without signature she emailed a nasty note to my workplace about not being able to pay the mortgage.

Except three days before we had received the cash out of the whole life insurance policies, so she had plenty of cash. But I guess if she can pout and make me look bad at the same time, she will. OM must have been mean to her that day or something.

I don't hope for Karma. I hope she sees the light one day. I will likely not be there for her, but for my kids' sake I hope she does.