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He wants to be written off...

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FaithnMe posted 5/19/2014 10:45 AM

So as far as I knew, my H is planning to move to Flordia to open a gym. Well apparantly he is now just planning to move to another state with the OW to start a new life all together. I told him today that i would not be allowing my DD to come stay with him for a while. We argued a bit, and he came back and said to just get the papers finished so he can sign them and to write him off with anything that has to do with our DD.

How can he just do this? I stuck through this person during all his hardships, held him up, defended him, helped fight get custody of his first DS. I did everything i could to make his life easier and then he turns his back on me, now the kids. He has been nothing but awful to me, of course blaming me for our marriage failing. Its all my fault and i make it difficult for him to have a relationship with his child. I do not keep him from her, i just dont push him to see her if he doesnt want to.

I didnt think the situation could get worse.. but today--- it has.

suckstobeme posted 5/19/2014 11:02 AM

He's punching you hard now. He knows that visitations with a young child so far from her mother and in a totally different state with an OW in the picture is not something that a court would likely order quickly. There has to be a lot of time for adjustments and for you to be comfortable with the arrangement. He knows this and so, being the disgusting coward that he is, he's going to "give up" his rights to his daughter so that, in the meantime, he does not have to pay any child support or any money toward the raising of his own DD. He's a sick, twisted, fuck up of an excuse for a man.

Contact your lawyer immediately to discuss the ramifications of everything. He can't just give up his kid because he's choosing to live far away from her and because he doesn't want anything more to do with her mother. He can try. I would certainly want to know everything about both options. Do not sign anything or draft anything without talking to your lawyer. Don't let him bully you.

peridot posted 5/19/2014 11:45 AM

He can give up his rights to your child all he wants(I would get that in writing) but he doesn't get to walk out on his financial responsibility for your child. Do not let him get away with that. I actually don't think a judge would let him get by with that because the money is for your child.

PhantomLimb posted 5/19/2014 12:06 PM

I just want to say he is a truly sick son of a bitch who doesn't deserve either of you. FTG.

southsidecali posted 5/19/2014 12:56 PM

Sometimes when someone tells you to write them off, it is best you listen.

At this point him moving has not happened and seems like he keeps changing his plans and all it is doing is keeping the drama alive.

I would stop communicating with him, get the papers and if he decides to ride off onto the sunset let him- you and your child will be better off.

He can reliquish his parental rights but he would have to be the one to go through courts and such, if I were you I would just get the divorce paperwork squared away and that is that.

If he wants all that done, he fired you from the job of taking care of things for him- let him figure it out and do it himself.

FaithnMe posted 5/19/2014 15:09 PM

I emailed my attorney to let him know. We are going to just continue to do sole custody and go forth with CS. I agree South, if he wants to give up his rights then he can do that on his own.

I think the inital shock has wore off. Im not even really mad at this given moment. Im ready to begin again, and give my DD the best life possible.

sparkysable posted 5/19/2014 17:13 PM

They won't let a child who has a father (IE someone to support him/her) turn into a child that has no father. People can not just go around signing away their rights. The only way it is possible would be if, let's say, you had a new husband, and new husband wanted to adopt your child. Then, and only then, could he "sign away his rights". So pretty much, you would need someone to take his place.

Believe me, I tried. We had just finalized the adoption of DD when I found out about XWH and OW. In my opinion, for the few months that he was actually with her, and he wasn't actually her father, I didn't see why I should have to deal with this animal. I proposed that he relinquish his rights in exchange for never having to pay CS or any other expenses. However, my lawyer and the courts informed me that the state will not allow it.

Destroyed121813 posted 5/19/2014 18:15 PM

Actually, he isn't going to get away without paying support as the biological father. There is a little known system called the Child Support Enforcement System that is national. In short, the judge enters the CS order and you open a case with your state's Social Services. Social Services uses the system to locate the father wherever he is in the US and garnish his wages. If he gets a job or opens his gym, he will be found through the new hire database that shares information with the CSES. No job? No problem. If he goes for unemployment, those will be garnished too. Also, if for some reason you do not get anything for a while, the payments build up with interest and he has to pay that too.

It may take a while, but you are going to get the last laugh.

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