SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

karmahappens posted 5/19/2014 10:46 AM

There was a post last week that was spot on, and I suspect would have been an aha moment for some if they took the time to examine the words that were said....but only a few people commented and it fell quickly off to page 2.

You know the ones I am talking about.

The posts that speak the truth, that make you angry, make you want to tell the poster to go jump off the bridge.

The post that you walk away from because it is easier to do than to face the truth.

I suggest you go back to that post. That's the one you should be reading. The things that are tough to face, the truth you have in front of you....but it is easier to skip to a post and vent along with someone else.

Venting, being pissed off, rallying around someone who is having a tough day. Those posts matter too.

But to get to the heart of the matter, to dig deep you have to look at the posts you don't want to read.

Someone else's pain may be bringing out an issue you have. It can cause a reaction, it may be uncomfortable.

R isn't always comfortable, but it should be consistent learning and healing...with a few stops to rest along the way.

The next time you come across a post that brings a reaction, sit with it and see if you can figure out where the reaction is coming from.

You may just find it's a key to unlock a whole new piece of healing for you.

rachelc posted 5/19/2014 10:53 AM

which one was it? Can you bump?

devasted30 posted 5/19/2014 13:05 PM

Yes, please bump

sisoon posted 5/19/2014 13:29 PM

Well put, kh.

My guess: the thread to which you refer is locked and therefore unbumpable.

[This message edited by sisoon at 1:29 PM, May 19th (Monday)]

karmahappens posted 5/19/2014 14:20 PM

Hey guys

actually it doesn't matter what post it is/was.

There are lots of them that go through here. It can be a different post for each person that sets their feelings going.

I just wanted to point out how important it is to come out of your comfort zone.

Don't ignore the posts that hurt your feelings or make you angry, dig through them and find out what it is inside the post that you need to investigate.

Being comfortable may feel better, but that kind of feeling better only lasts so long....

918Mama posted 5/19/2014 17:32 PM

Really great thoughts Karma.

There are some threads I walk into and then right back out of, like I've gone into the wrong room. Sometimes it's triggery, sometimes painful to read others pain, and sometimes I just don't have the words. But you're spot on about examining the reasons why.

Thanks for encouraging our growth!

hopefull77 posted 5/19/2014 17:47 PM

Thanks karma..
I realize something about myself...I want to feel good being here and I try to post positive thoughts because I so badly want to FEEL positive!
Even as hard the work is I want to move forward....its posts like this and even avoiding the ones that take me out of my comfort zone make me realize the road to recovery is filled with pot holes and even dead end streets...
I will pay more attention...
There are so many wise folks here

AFrayedKnot posted 5/23/2014 10:29 AM

Alright Karma, I'll bite. This post has been stinging since you posted it.

Compared to the past, I have been barely posting at all. Why? To be honest, I haven't had an emotional reaction to any posts in a while. Like I'm in some sort of emotional no mans land.

I'm not relating at all to the struggling painful posts because I'm not in pain. My reaction is "you just need to ride it out. The crazy will get better. There is nothing I can say to make it easier"

I'm not relating to the hopeful posts because I'm not really that hopeful. My response is "yea, keep telling yourself its great so you can justify to yourself it was worth it"

Things are OK. Better than I thought they would be but not where I wish they would be. So I guess I'm second guessing everything I have ever posted and I dont want to mislead anyone going forward.

rachelc posted 5/23/2014 10:33 AM

AFrayed - interesting post...

it's when time goes by that we can reflect back on how far we've come, how much we've learned, and how much we're changed. And that may mean different choices. It's the hardest journey I've been on.

wishing you peace.

karmahappens posted 5/23/2014 13:12 PM

So I guess I'm second guessing everything I have ever posted and I dont want to mislead anyone going forward

AFK

You should post what you feel at any given moment. Your posts are thoughtful and R driven.

You move forward and continue to heal yourself. The way you feel one day may not be the same way you feel tomorrow, but what you have to say may touch someone.

Your pain during difficult times could be somebody elses aha moment.

Your realization that you don't feel strong or right will give somebody here inspiration because they look up to you. They know if you feel like crap today then maybe it's ok for them to have a bad day too.

You have written your truth and that's all anyone can ask.

Going through R our truth may change day by day...doesn't mean it isn't worthy of sharing.

When you put your thoughts and worries out there if just one person relates to it, you have helped.

(((Chicho)))

I love your insight, I really do.

karmahappens posted 5/23/2014 13:21 PM

Things are OK. Better than I thought they would be but not where I wish they would be

Isn't that the point? The growing and learning never end. It isn't a matter of how fast you run or how far you go, it's the trip you take.

Get rid of the expectations and enjoy the good that has come from what you have done...it gives us the strength and the courage for the next lap.

veronique12 posted 5/23/2014 13:43 PM

Karma I think you posted once about how R can be similar to yoga. Those stinging posts seem similar too: those poses that you dread or want to come out of right away are the ones you should hold just a little longer. Where there's tension there's the possibility of softening and opening up some space.

LA44 posted 5/23/2014 14:05 PM

I think that yoga post could have been mine, Veronique. Leaning into the pain, breathing through it and then leaning in a bit more before finding your way out of the movement.

Always better then just going, "Nope. Too hard!"

veronique12 posted 5/23/2014 14:15 PM

Oops, sorry about that! It was a good post!

AFrayedKnot posted 5/23/2014 14:43 PM

Hmmmm....yoga....
My yoga instructor has a saying she uses regularly "the pose doesn't start until you want to get out of it"

still-living posted 5/23/2014 17:43 PM

Great post Karma

It's like you are building a jigsaw puzzle and a person tells you (and knows) "This piece belongs here!" You can't see it yet! The person can't prove it to you yet! This is because there is not enough puzzle constructed yet.

I remember my IC making "inaccurate" or "non-applicable" statements to me early in my recovery. He was required to relocate his work to another city and my closing with him was a bit premature. I want to hug him now. It was like he was offering pieces to my puzzle but he didnt force anything on me at that time because he knew I had to figure it out on my own. He knew I had to come to believe his offerings on my own. Since then I have found many of his offerings to fit my puzzle perfectly.

LA44 posted 5/23/2014 18:20 PM

t/j: I like that AFK!

"the pose doesn't start until you want to get out of it"

Maybe a good metaphor for life?

[This message edited by LA44 at 6:21 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]

karmahappens posted 5/23/2014 18:23 PM

Ahhhh that's awesome still living. Amazing how much of us others can see before we do.

The key is to not stop looking for the fit to the pieces....

AFrayedKnot posted 5/23/2014 19:07 PM

Thanks for the pep talk Karma

karmahappens posted 5/23/2014 19:18 PM

It must be going around. ..having a shit day here. Not affair related just growth related. I need to take my own advice today.