So she went, and I was checking her iphone locator, somethings not jibed, I asked her where she was, she lied, lied again. It ended up she was in another male friends hotel room. I still tend to believe nothing happened there, or am just dreaming it, I will probably never know unless she confesses.
But even this this is beyond the point, the very fact that in this situation , when she was remorseful in a tough recovery,and all that stuff , she immediately went into this old mode .. lying and lying more to cover lies.
I don;t know where do we begin now, she is remorseful, sorry, begging me to stay, but as she herself say, those words do not mean anything anymore ....
I hate to say it, but you've attained floor mat status with her. She cheats and she lies to you, you have a D-Day, you forgive her and she does it all over again and you just forgive her again and the cycle just repeats itself over and over.
Just the fact that you're considering starting the reconciliation process all over - yet AGAIN - says it all.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over - and expecting different results.
If you keep forgiving her, you can expect to live the rest of your life like this.
You deserve better. I just wish you could see that.
[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 2:52 PM, May 19th (Monday)]
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
I myself have been watching my husband through Google's location history & device manager & even the two of them don't agree on his loc. The difference for me is that I might track him coming home, so it's the same boring ride up the interstate and back.
I also noticed when we went a couple of times to Vegas recently there must be some shielding through the structures because of the casino's sizes. The GPS was totally non reliable. Only reliable in the sense it would show us in the correct hotel and that was that. If I went by the GPS my husband spent the weekend gambling in a parking lot, heh.
So unless you really think the tracking you got was accurate, say, showing her going to the conference room, restaurant etc., you might want to ease a bit and slip to trust but verify some more. Just an fyi, since my husband travels a bit, he's a regular gadfly when at the hotel as well. This I know are just random satellite grabs cause I know he does not move THAT much. Same when he is at work, the accuracy is as good as the fact he is in the building somewhere and that's it. I hope that helps you.
To save a marriage, you must be willing to lose the marriage.
I also kicked US out of MC and insisted WH go back to IC. I am undecided - still shell-shocked - on whether to try or leave. There are a lot of things to consider. He seems truly remorseful this time, but gee, I thought we would be 6 months further in this process.
I really wish I had kicked him to the curb after Dday #1.
Then he would know there are consequences and maybe he would have come out of his fog earlier.
I think maybe your WS needs to know what consequences are.
Tells she did it as she did not want to upset me knowing that I would be mad, and knowing that she did nothing wrong.
Wait...let's be clear here, she did do something wrong.
1) She retreated to another mans hotel room.
2) She failed to mention this to you.
3) ? Only she know what took place.
and she does not believe she did anything wrong? I think she is trying to manipulate you into believing that her actions are not wrong. The mere fact that she, as a wayward, willingly spent time alone in another mans hotel room is just pain WRONG. I believe that she knows this.
She really needs to witness, 1st hand, the consequences of her behavior.
When I told my WH that he had but ONE chance, he fully understood that I meant it. I am a woman of my word. 3+years out and I have lived with a 100% remorseful WH who works every single day to right his wrong. I DESERVE that and SO DO YOU. DEMAND IT!
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 4:29 PM, May 19th (Monday)]
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Why would she do anything if she knew you would be upset by it? Doesn't your happiness factor at all?
What did she tell herself to make it alright?
Lots of questions that I would be asking. Doesn't look like she was interested in earning back your trust on this occasion.
Don;t try to rewrite or justify so you don;t have to face the truth. Lying to spare your feeling while being in another man;s hotel room far away from home would be a boundry broken in my eyes. Only you can decide but I think you know the answer.
she did admit having a long heart to heart conversation with this old friend. So she does not feel bad about this. She is very sorry for lies. Tells she did it as she did not want to upset me knowing that I would be mad, and knowing that she did nothing wrong.
We have no idea how to go on from here ...
Samuel Beckett: You're on Earth. There's no cure for this.
Now, I can understand YOU not knowing where to go from here. You obviously love her and want to be with her. I think at this time if you are prepared to accept that this woman isn't interested in putting in the hard work to change her fundamental behaviour when out of your sight then you have a shot, currently. If you aren't prepared to live that way, then your only recourse is to give consequences for her behaviour.
A quote I once read as some bodies tag line on here really affected both my WH and I, and I can't remember it word for word but it basically said... The true test of a person's character is what they do when no one is looking! Your WW needs to live and breathe that if there is a hope of you having a marriage that you deserve to have!
It's the lies,lies,lies,LIES
Second, unless a woman is married to the man or related to him, she does not go into his hotel room. Except if the bed is needed for whatever reason.....
bad behavior and even worse thought processes if the proverbial "nothing" happened. You might ask her about her boundaries, if any.
[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 2:28 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]