I've realized that I need to go back on my AD's. I was taken off of them about a year ago. The doctor thought they might be causing an allergic reaction. However, the reaction itself has attempted to return a time or two since then so I don't think the AD was the cause. However, I was doing quite well for a months without them so I saw no reason to try to go back on them.
Today is a different story. I'm moving into my own place where I'll live by myself for the first time in my life. I just started a new job. I'm trying to write my first novel. These are all areas of my life where I'm growing, reclaiming my life for myself. However, it leaves me with feelings of anxiety and depressed. That was part of how I realized some years ago that something was wrong. My IC has been supportive of me not jumping back on AD's without good reason and even she feels it worth doing...at least for a period time until I get through this period where I'm going so many changes at once. The hardest part back then was admitting to myself and others. I almost fell into the trap of feeling like it was a failure of some kind that I need to use AD's again. It's not. It's just a fact of my nature. I will be challenged with this from time to time. Not pleasant to accept but I do.
For anyone else struggling with those feelings all I can say take whatever help you need in whatever form you can. IC, AD's, hobbies, posting here, etc. We should all be good to ourselves.