As you know it has been a while (cough).
I am reeling with the realisation that if I am indeed R'ing with this man then I must have decided that either he is an asshat or an idiot, but that that is ok for me.
Do you know what I mean?
If I'm to believe that he doesn't remember...doesn't know why...it happened only once (!)...he is not a liar.
Then either he is an idiot or I am.
Alternatively if he has done all these things and refuses to tell the truth, acknowledge his culpability and work on himself then he is just an asshole/hat. That he did it all as a choice.
So, my intelligent, hard-working, caring handsome hero is in fact only one of two things: asshole or idiot.
Why in the world would I want to be with either? Why am I trying so hard?
Totally floored. Thoughts please...cannot be in R while thinking like this!
Thanks for your time today xxx
Seriously, I wish I had answers for you, but I don't. The only thing I can offer is that you have to ultimately decide what you can and cannot accept from him. Maybe he truly can't remember, but then you have to decide if you can live with that. Maybe he is lying, but how do you prove it? You usually can't, so you have to decide if you can move on from it.
Please don't ever bring yourself down to his level with adjectives best described for WS. You are trying to muddle through this mess with your sanity intact. No easy feat!!!
(((Truly)))
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
A cheater claiming he can't remember anything about the past, that he only had sex with the OW ONE time, and that he just doesn't know the reasons for any of it.
Golly gosh and gee whiz - who could have ever seen THAT coming?
Well Truly, if you strap his ass into a polygraph chair that might just jog his oh so terrible memory.
Status - In D.
Pass: I am very afraid you're right. He is a deflecting, blame-shifting, gas-lighting, rug sweeper. It's not conducive to R. He cannot be open an honest about anything. And when he tries it inevitably becomes my fault. Can't change him, huh? Accept or move on...wish I'd had an opportunity to shock and awe his arse!
Neveragain: If I could strap him to a chair I would! Not sure today if I would ask questions or just walk away and leave him there!...more temptation!
Idontknowwhy: I am so sorry that you get this too... it's all just bullshit. If I could go back four years I would walk out so hard, far and fast he wouldn't see my dust. Sadly, we had worse problems at the time (hard to believe, I know!) so I was complicit in the rug sweeping at that time. I also hadn't found SI so a very well done to you! And ((((((hugs)))))
Struggling with my next steps. I don't believe he has cheated in at least a year and a half. But, with no work done, how long will that last?
And I'm sorry, but I often feel like a fool these days.
As for a hero, well, that depends on what you mean by hero. Is he a firefighter or a police officer, who puts his life on the line for others every day? Did he give a kidney to someone in need, just because he was a best match and that person would die without the kidney? Did he throw himself in the path of an oncoming vehicle, pushing a child or someone out of the path of certain injury or death? Those are heroes to me. Individual definitions of "hero" vary, of course.
From your profile:
WH admits ¨Yes.¨ to the question of infidelity but offers no further information and will not answer any questions.
This sich doesn't sound like he is fully invested in R. R is hard if you're doing it right.
Why are you trying so hard? That's a question only you can answer. Maybe it's because you have hope, and hope springs eternal until it's dead and beaten into the ground, stomped on, pooped on, and lit on fire.
