I think there is a post in the healing library about R and what needs to happen. When I JFO I forgave and thought I was in R. I would read other posts about couples in R and I felt that we were doing most of it but not all of it. The missing piece was my WBF's thinking and my readiness to walk away.
He then told me the real story and THEN I thought we were in R. But still something was missing. He had been rug sweeping and wanting to get over it, move past it, think positive. And I was going along with it and struggling.
So now he realises that it wasn't working and now we have started MC and talking. My anger is out and my triggers are stronger than ever (you saw my other post). If I am really in R now - and it feels different - its hard.
So I have realised that just because you both want to stay together doesn't necessarily mean you are in R.