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Almost 2 Years Divorced

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Harriet posted 5/19/2014 22:54 PM

I'm almost 2 years divorced, and I can say that although it's taking me a lot longer than I had hoped, I finally feel like the roller coaster is slowing down. I know I am not off of it - my life is too intertwined with my ex still - but my emotions are less dictated by my past and I catch myself thinking more about my present. Progress!

DId many of you find it was a very gradual shift of thoughts and feelings? It's like a slow realization that, hey! I'm doing pretty well these days! I know that it never stays on such an even keel, and I know that I will have some rough days still, but I hope I can accept that and not dwell on it.

There are some comments that I've read here on SI that have become like mantras to me, to accept that my old life is gone, my husband is gone and the man I thought he was never existed. That saying is so very true: sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see.

I'm not sure how to thank such a collective group of people but...thank you! Sometimes I look at us all and think how strange it is - we are so different but we are all trying to survive the same journey. No one would ever accuse me of being touchy-feely, but I am amazed at the connection I feel with others on this site. So, again, thanks!!!!

deena posted 5/20/2014 01:14 AM

What a nice post.
I am just starting the separation / divorce process. Still in house separation and I hate it.

I am looking forward to peace, but scared too.

And your comment on such a different collection of people on the same journey is so true!

I hope you find total peace and comfort soon.

brokeninfl posted 5/20/2014 11:03 AM

Almost Four years out from my divorce, and 6 from our seperation, I can say that I have a level of detacment from him that I never imagined was possible.

I still have to deal with him in the context of our kids (and I'm lucky that, generally speaking, we are on the same page there, so it requires a minimal amout of dicussion, and is usually just "FYI" communication). I can go weeks without thinking about him - or our situation.

I rarely "trigger" on anything - and even when he married OW, I only felt a small fraction of the angst that I would have felt a few years ago.

I'm actually at the stage where I genuinly happy that we aren't together anymore. I'm still angry about how it happened, but I'm so glad not to be tied to him. I see who he really is.

mof2 posted 5/20/2014 12:31 PM

I am so glad you are getting there! There really is no time frame for healing. We all are taking the same journey but heal at different paces.

I think a lot of it depends on the circumstances. I am a year and 3 months in and doing so well. With that being said, I was blindsided, given no hope, had no children with him, he was shady and the list goes on. He walked out and just wanted a divorce so he could be with the OW.

In my heart, I knew in the beginning that he was "in lurve" because of the way he felt about me in the beginning. He was relentless almost to the point of stalking. He suffers from boredom so I knew he was stalking her.

All depends on the circumstances and NC as to how long healing takes.

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