"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

too trusting BW posted 5/20/2014 09:10 AM

My husband changed positions at work about 7 months ago.
This new position came with a pretty basic cell phone rather than desk phone.
From November to April the phone was not discussed, nor have I decided I need to check it. I had no ability to verify anything so of course it would be a waste of time.

The beginning of April he forwards an email of the cell charges. Just an FYI he says. Showing he only made a small number of calls or texts. (we had been having conflict because I wasn't feeling trust and questioning some of his behavior)

When asked why they were sending them now, he tells me he did receive one before. It was not on the computer he was on, but in a personal file on his laptop. He says he will send it to me the next day from his office on the other side of town.
Never did.

When I bring it up last night as part of a general trust conversation, he says "didn't I tell you that it was gone from my inbox? Didn't we talk about it already?"
No, we did not.

Why would he check his inbox but forget he said it was in personal file? Then forget to check the personal file? Forget to talk to me about it at all, ever?

Then last night he claims he was so SURE we discussed it because he was "shocked" about how much the charges are, so sent his boss an email asking if that is really what they charge. Never mentioned this "shock" to me. "Gosh, really? I could have sworn I talked to you...." Never heard a word until April.

He sends me that first cellular usage email, that he neglected to ever mention, this morning.
It has a significant higher amount of minutes used but interestingly it shows data overage. I am not aware he even has any data ability on this phone.
The FYI email from April Does not show a spot for data usage. Doesn't even have it listed with a 00kb. Nothing.

He also has never bothered to log in to see other months' usage as this email points out he has access to.
So besides a need to get this out for myself, I am hoping someone's place of business uses this Tangoe service for employee cells.

Is this plausible that they only send this email to keep employees informed at random times such as end of January and beginning of April?

My suspicion that he edited the FYI email he sent to me to remove the data section isn't crazy is it?
I think he didn't want me to ask about any other months in regards data.
Thanks for anyone that sifts through this and can give me an opinion. I am back in that crazy place where I question myself.

Credence posted 5/20/2014 09:44 AM

He may or may not have edited the one he sent you but his behaviour, as you've described it, is a red flag. It sounds like he's trying really hard (too hard) to convince you that he's not trying to hide something.

Then last night he claims he was so SURE we discussed it because he was "shocked" about how much the charges are, so sent his boss an email asking if that is really what they charge. Never mentioned this "shock" to me.

^^^He remembers the shock, he remembers emailing his boss but doesn't remember NOT discussing it with you? I think he needs to log in with you present and the two of you can look at them together.

It's unlikely that they would be sent at random times - these things are usually automated and get generated at the same time every month.

BtraydWife posted 5/20/2014 09:50 AM

I don't know anything about this company or what type of reports they make available or when. But what stands out to me is all the dancing around the topic he seems to be doing.

Not giving straight answers, not doing what he says he would do, getting annoyed with you for following up when he fails to do as promised. All those things make me angry with him and also make me suspect something is up. He doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of easing any fears you might currently have and his shiftiness is making them worse.

I'd have to call him out on this behavior. It's unacceptable. If he wants to be treated like an adult than he needs to act like one. It's not on you to require he behaves in a stand up, honest manner, it's on him. You aren't his mother and you aren't responsible for his sketchy behavior.

He's off his rocker if he thinks you should just stand by silently and take whatever foolishness he dishes out. But obviously he's not above pressuring you to do just that very thing. People who shoot the messenger, have issues.

You are only questioning yourself because of his comments and behavior. That's a red flag. Don't allow him to put you in that position. Speak up-you have every right to see the information and to expect he will provide it when he says he will.