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Newest Member: timeheals (61501)

User Topic: This place is great, but...
♂ 40996
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love coming here when I need support. Always get good advice and plenty of much needed hugs. I'm in a great place with my healing.

When I come here on good days, it seems to bring me down a bit. I've been keeping a journal on my triggers and what makes me want to act like the desperate doormat that she wants me to be. Seems like my good days can be shifted by my presence here. Not sure if I just need to stay away on good days and let the healing take place or if you guys have any creative suggestions that could keep me on track? As much support as I get here, I often feel obligated to share the wealth. So many here that need it and I'm happy to help when I can.

[This message edited by No12turn2 at 10:11 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No12turn2, I also went through a phase like this. It is okay to not come in on a good day if you know that it may bring you down. It is okay to step away for awhile. I spent a ton of time avoiding JFO and NB and the W forums just to keep my sanity. I only read or posted in D/S or general. It takes time and then you dip a toe into other forums and you either jump in, wade in slowly or turn around and say not yet.
If you are having a good day, have a good day and don't intentionally mess with your own healing. Trust us, we get it.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
♀ 31765
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it can affect your moods some days. If you just stay away for a few hours, days, and then come back and you may find a renewed strength or need or growth or whatever. You'll be able to tell. It's all a learning experience.

And regardless, I always learn something on SI. It seems to have the right thing at the right moment. Even if it's crazy things to laugh my heart out. Better my heart go that way than the other.

So you'll know one way or another.

Posts: 882 | Registered: Apr 2011
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same...some days you thinking "nope, don;t have the energy for that" others you feel compelled to seek or give hope.

I think it's normal. I think eventually you either graduate the emotional need for SI and leave the nest or you switch more to the supportive "been there done that" role and help shepard others that could use a hand.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 32211
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haha...I'm totally laughing with you. I know exactly what you mean. I will tell you it's ok to stay away on good days. You would think that on good days we would come here and offer support and feel better for helping someone and giving a shoulder, but oddly enough it's on my worst days (like today) that I come here and I feel much better. Surrounded by people who understand, who get it. Then I take my mind off of my own stuff by answering someone's post or offering a hug to someone who has JFO or sharing a laugh in the "stupid things WS' say" forum.

Don't come on your good days if it drags you down right now we understand and that doesn't make you selfish. It makes you someone deep in the throes of healing. Come when you know you can handle it, when you won't trigger like crazy or when you are feeling blue and need a good shoulder or two or (40k plus shoulders).

BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 1019 | Registered: May 2011
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I stick to General and D/S too. I dip my toe in NB now since my D is final, but I think I still have some anger issues, so D/S is better for me.

And giving back is definitely part of the healing process for me, and now that my D is final, hopefully I can help people just starting in D/S.

I had a few months of feeling strong enough to go into JFO, but for now, it's way too triggery for me.. Maybe one day I will feel strong enough for that again..

But some days it's better to just not post and not even look. When you are trying to support others, you can very easily project your own experiences into your responses and not be all that helpful or telling them what they really need to hear..

But I also just happen to like the people here, so when I'm not in the mood for triggers, they have this great forum called Fun & Games down at the bottom

xBW~ 37
Two DS~ 9 and 13

Posts: 3120 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No12turn2, your first priority is your healing. I agree, there are some days I just can't come in here. Like IrishLass, I spend most of my time in General, and Divorce/Separation. In JFO, the pain is just too raw for me to see at this point, and I can't deal with the hope in Reconciliation. I've been in the Wayward forum approximately twice, and just wanted to say shit that would reduce them all to tears, so I steer clear of there too.

So, don't worry about it, and just feel better. There will come a day when you can help others without detriment to yourself. You're a good person for even wanting to try!

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3623 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 7

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