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Red Flags 10-day Rebound Romance

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libertyrocks posted 5/20/2014 10:28 AM

I had a rebound fling and it was so liberating. At first, I liked new guy a lot. Then, all the subtle red flags started waving big and bright in my face. And, honestly, I would have continued to ignore them if it weren't for all of you. Seriously.

Date 1, at the restaurant/bar. Bartender knew his name right when we sat down. New guy mentioned he was the rebound guy. (!)

Checked his fb history the next day and he had taken another girl to a few dive bars a couple weeks before me.

Date 2, I thought he was going to tell me his ex-wife cheated on him. When I asked, he said he cheated on her before they had kids, they weren't married when they had kids.

Next day I cried because I realized he was broken but wanted to see where he was coming from.

Date 3, he told me he loved the bar when I asked if he wanted to sit at a table instead.

So, I attracted the same kind of broken ass womanizing, cheating alcoholic. Good Lord. And, you all told me. Only good thing is he has his financial stuff together. Good for him and his daughters. I feel bad for his ex girl. Here she is still heartbroken after 2 years. He told me this.

Date 4, I shagged him. That was fun and liberating.

Next day, I texted him to if he wanted to see other girls, cool with me because I like my freedom, too. He mentioned he will never give up his freedom. I haven't heard back from him. Sounds like I just beat him at his own game first. That was NOT my intention, it's just how things played out. I spent the whole weekend waiting for him to call or see me...I was an emotional wreck. I'M SO NOT READY TO DATE. :(

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:40 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

Lonelygirl10 posted 5/20/2014 10:34 AM

Well, look at it this way. You got the rebound out of your system. Now you can focus on healing, and get yourself ready to meet a real man who won't be a rebound. Try to just see it as a lesson learned, and move forward.

getnbtr1 posted 5/20/2014 10:48 AM

I'm sorry you got on this short roller coaster ride. Sounds like it had some fun aspects, but was weird and confusing from the start. Glad you were able to spot the red flags. But I wonder what would have happened if he did call over the weekend and wanted to see you. Do you think you would have kept seeing him and watching and waiting?

libertyrocks posted 5/20/2014 10:51 AM

Well, that's why I decided I should throw out the "seeing others" with him. He didn't contest, agree, or even respond. I'm guessing he's a cake eater. Wants a good, loyal girl, but wants freedom to mess around. I AM WAY SMARTER than him and figured him out in 4 dates. Actually, after the first, I kinda knew what he was all about.

I don't want to heal, I want to have fun. lol. Really. I am a huge mess. I'm going to search for a new therapist. I haven't been in a while. I got off my anti-depressants, too! All by myself before I even met this guy. So, I'm doing great!! I'm so happy, positive about the future, loving life with my boys. Things are awesome. I just want to have adult fun if that makes sense.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:53 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

absolut posted 5/20/2014 11:05 AM

You had me at
"the bartender knew his name"

Don't beat yourself up! I "attract" all kinds of nutjobs. It just means you're attractive. You didn't spend 3 years with this guy. You spent 10 days!

I wouldn't be too quick to diagnose yourself. I don't think there's such a thing as "ready" to date, and just because you are doesn't make wonderful men come crawling out of the woodwork.

But yes, see a therapist if you please. Just go easy on yourself.And maybe set up some boundaries. Sex a little soon there imo.

NaiveAgain posted 5/20/2014 11:14 AM

You know, as long as you are cool with it, you are fine. You don't have to date with the intention of settling down and getting married! As long as the guy you are dating understands that, there is nothing wrong with dating for fun for a while. But that does take placing some certain boundaries and it also means being honest with your partners and yourself. If you think you want to date for fun but you find yourself getting attached, heartbroken, etc.....then you are not really dating for fun (more like for torture, it seems!)

I had a "fun for now" SO for a few years. I did end up loving him, but he loved me also and we were faithful for the time we dated. I enjoyed it (and got heartbroken from time to time) but I had a blast, I have wonderful memories from it now that I am past the heartbreak, and I'm glad I went for it!

I think you are exploring and getting your feet wet. Learning to recognize the red flags, learning to pay attention to them, learning what you need from a partner. It's all good!

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 11:15 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

Merida posted 5/20/2014 11:16 AM

so wait... you became the OW as defining your "rebound"??

test yourself for STD's and run don't walk to a therapist

I feel so sorry for those girls...

absolutely agree about figuring how to truly respect boundaries = both for your own sanity and for the sake of others and just please at least promise yourself you will absolutely not miss that a-hole and go complete NC = especially if he's married with kids

libertyrocks posted 5/20/2014 11:22 AM

OMG NOOOO I HAVE NEVER AND NEVER WILL BE AN OW. He's been divorced and seperated for 2 years. His ex is still sad, that's all.

Q! Should I block him on fb and my phone? I mean, it's not like he's calling me, but he creeps around my fb page and has notifications for me. The only people I follow are my brother and sister in law bc of my nephews.

Yeah, FTG.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 11:32 AM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

better4me posted 5/20/2014 12:13 PM

Q! Should I block him on fb and my phone?
A! yes

Lonelygirl10 posted 5/20/2014 12:21 PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating for fun, as long as you don't hurt a man in the process. Be honest about your intentions, and don't lead someone on.

absolut posted 5/20/2014 12:56 PM

yes and yes. Block and block.

This guy will definitely contact you in a day a week or a month with some stupid

How r u doing?

text, and it will get you all wound up. If he's blocked you'll never hear from him. Move on. Take care of you.

libertyrocks posted 5/20/2014 15:41 PM

I did block him. Thanks for the advice, everyone.

Merida posted 5/21/2014 12:17 PM

whew... you checked in public records to confirm he wasn't lying I hope

absolutely good you blocked him and absolutely go NC as he reads as so not worth your time

I liked whoever wrote that post about taking yourself off the bargain-rack and putting yourself "behind glass" where all the expensive / priceless art belongs ;-)


littlefoggy posted 5/22/2014 10:18 AM

I like your debrief of the 10-day relationship.

PhoenixRisen posted 5/22/2014 17:26 PM

I don't know about you not being ready to date.

You went on a few dates
Had (safe) sex
Felt liberated
Realized he wasn't for you, was sad about it and now your moving on....

I think you handled it really well.
I remember you other posts and you were more unsure about what to do, but you have taken control and have a good handle on this. Yes, you may have attracted broken but you realized it!

I say, if you feel comfortable (yes that waiting for a phone call may happen again but it's all part of dating), get back out there in the dating scene.

Then when he calls again (you know he will), you will be too busy getting ready for a new date, to really care. And frankly, please DON'T CARE about him. He is not a good guy.

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