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Fake it till you make it

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needrespect posted 5/20/2014 14:36 PM

We all know that part of the reason we are here is from a crapload of lies.

How is fake it till you make it any different?
I feel like I am lying to myself and everyone around me just to keep some peace.

On the other hand if I showed my true feelings 24/7 there would be a constant battle.

IC says I need to work on forgiveness for myself and I am being a martyr. Where is the line between being honest about your feelings and being a martyr?

And to quote many on here "this shit ain't for sissys"

Jrazz posted 5/20/2014 14:43 PM

I think that "fake it till you make it" is mostly for people who are still thrashing around on the emotional rollercoaster and don't know which way is up.

"Should I go? Should I stay? Crap, what day is it? Have I even eaten today?!?" <--- This is an example of the peak of my confused days, and I hoped that R was possible, so going through the motions with a remorseful FWS made sense.

Faking it when you know the horse is dead is a whole other thing. Some people stay because limbo feels safer than D, and in that case the best thing is to bunker down and work on yourself and your own happiness and future with minimal impact to the relationship. Which DOES come with an amount of faking it, which IS soul draining.

The thing for everyone to keep in mind is that what is happening today doesn't have to be what every day from now on is going to look like. We really have to do the best with what we have, and to be brave when both our hearts and brains are in accordance but our body won't move. This shit is NOT easy, but the more we work on centering ourselves the more we can face our troubles with power instead of fear.


[This message edited by Jrazz at 2:45 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

tushnurse posted 5/20/2014 15:30 PM

Well said Jrazz.

I often question why would you fake it?

If you are hurt, and in pain, you should be able to show it. Now I don't mean rolling around on the floor with snot on your face, and dog hair sticking to it feeling it, but it's ok to let the kids, the spouse, friends and family know that hey we are having a rough time, and I am having a really hard time finding any happiness in life right now.

And if you are pretending to have a good M because your WS isn't doing the work then the only person you are really helping by doing this is the WS. IT's certainly not helping you, it also is hurting your kids showing them some f'd version of what M is. It is soul crushing.

If you are faking it, consider your reasons why. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your choice, and be more authentic to you. You need to grieve. It's ok.

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