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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: Swapping houses - logistical nightmare?
♀ 26367
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I own two houses in this town -- the marital home I love and ended up getting in the divorce settlement and the current house I'm living in that I purchased when I moved back from taking care of my father at the end of his life.

When I moved away to be with Dad in 2012, my Ex was just about done with the lease on the house he'd rented when we split up in 2011. As a favor to me, he agreed to move back into the marital home and watch over it for me. As a result I didn't have to get a property management company involved or start vetting tenants, etc.

It was also me doing him a favor because his rent to me is half what he was paying on the lease that was almost up, he obviously knows the house and the area, and there's a ton of storage for all his crap. So at the time, it seemed like a win-win. The idea was for that to go on for a year, although I did not make him sign a lease.

Because my father's condition worsened so much faster than anyone thought it would, I was "free" to move back to town almost 6 months earlier than that one-year span Ex and I had discussed. That's how I came to buy my second/current house. And even though it's not perfect, I promised myself and my IC that I would give it a year before making any further decisions, thinking I might end up liking the current place more.

I've been in the current house for 1.5 years now, Ex has been in (what I still consider to be) my home for 2+ years now, and I want my home back.

Ex has agreed but because he's unemployed and is therefore not going to easily find another comparable house to rent that he can afford or can pass a credit check on, we are talking about swapping -- I get my home back and he moves into my current house. He's not happy about it because the current place is smaller and has much less storage, but that's not really my concern. I think I've been more than fair and more than generous and it's now becoming stupid for me not to be living where I want to be.

My concern is the actual logistics of swapping the contents of the houses. I don't have nearly the amount of stuff HoarderEx does, but I do have 4 cats and a dog. In a traditional move, someone goes first then the next person can move in and so on. But since we're swapping, I almost don't know how to start. He doesn't have the finances to hire a moving co, so he will probably get friends with trucks help him out, which might take a longer span of time. I don't have any friends with trucks but I can afford a moving company.

So... first draft thought: I get the moving company to pack all my stuff onto their truck and park it somewhere safe for X number of days. I board the cats and dog. I stay either with my one friend or (if I want her to continue being my friend) I stay at a hotel. Ex uses the week to move his crap into my current house and hopefully leaves me enough time to clean the marital home before the moving company brings my truckload of stuff over and unloads it.

Is there any easier way that anyone can see of doing this? I almost wish Ex would surprise me with the news that he's landed a job near his gf's house in another state, because then he'd just be moving away and once he's gone I would have the luxury of taking my time and not having to board the pets. But I certainly can't count on that.

Sorry this is so long -- I wanted to try and present the background so the reason for swapping made some sense, although it's kind of a weird situation.

I'm done here; sick of 2 x 4s

Posts: 2057 | Registered: Nov 2009
♀ 32550
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My concern is you will be left holding your stuff hostage while he is not fully moved out. Even under the best circumstances many people underestimate how long it takes to pack and move, and this is not anywhere near the best of circumstances.

I have a few ideas about that.

When you arrange for your stuff to live on a truck or in storage for a week, tell your XH that you need to move in three days before your stuff will actually arrive. Then when he is not on time it is not such an imposition on you, and you may actually get some time to have the house deep cleaned (and repaired, if necessary) before you move in.

You didn't say if you have a garage, but a Plan B could always be, if he's not fully out on time, that he moves everything else in the garage until he can move the rest out. That way you can change the locks on the house and continue moving yourself. However, this could backfire and he may take the garage hostage for a while.

Or, if you are feeling generous, hire a cheap moving crew for him to expedite the process. Like a two guys and a truck for four hours kind of a deal. I know it's not your responsibility for fund his move, but it might be worth paying for the convenience if you think it will help. Don't do this though if you think he won't have at least the four hours worth of stuff ready to go on time. In that case, I'd just have two guys/four hours ready on your moving day to move his stuff in the garage.

I don't know if any of these ideas would work in your sitch, but if they don't maybe they will spark one that would. Good luck!

BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1503 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ 6370
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are very generous. I could have never done this. He was on his OWN and I didn't care where he landed.

Oops, posted before I was finished. I meant to add ... if you are going to do this, make it the most convenient and easiest for YOU.

[This message edited by Jeaniegirl at 4:14 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 1464 | Registered: Feb 2005
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can trust the X, get a POD. That way the stuff is right on your property, ready to move in as soon as he vacates. You can get an inexpensive local mover (or some day labor if they're available) to move the stuff into and out of the POD.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25300 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was going to suggest a Pod.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 20688 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK. Here's my take.

Fuck him. Make him buy some big boy panties and GTFO. Move your stuff into your house. Sell unwanted house.

He isn't your problem. Cut all ties and be done taking care of him. You need 2 houses like you need him in your life.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9154 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^I'm with Willie's Mom...maybe just with a little more cussing.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14446 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 26367
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone! I hadn't thought of a POD - not sure if they're available in our little town but I will definitely check into it. There may be something else similar.

I'm not quite ready to go the F.T.G. route because life is just a lot easier if we get along, but don't think that I haven't thought to myself that he should just get the hell out because I'm done dealing with all of this

I'm done here; sick of 2 x 4s

Posts: 2057 | Registered: Nov 2009
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ISPIFFD - Please tell me that you are formalizing his renting the house with a written lease so you are protected if you want to sell the house/evict him for non-payment/whatever.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40231 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please tell me that you are formalizing his renting the house with a written lease so you are protected if you want to sell the house/evict him for non-payment/whatever.

Me - 45
DD(24), DS(21, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

Posts: 9964 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here and There
Topic Posts: 10

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