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DWelshe posted 5/20/2014 16:30 PM

Today i heard the words that destroyed but im guessing almost like i had done to her.

They're empty words to me. You'll never be there to talk because I have nothing more to say to you. No anger or frustration left I have no questions because you are no longer part of my life and it'll stay that way. You mean nothing to me now

Im soo lost and upset, im still going to change myself. But losing her has affected me so much.

EvolvingSoul posted 5/20/2014 17:28 PM

Hey there DWelshe,

I'm sorry you're hurting. Learning to sit with difficult feelings is such an important part of this process, but knowing that sure doesn't make it hurt any less.

It sounds like you know that you need to keep healing whether your BS is in your life or not. It can be hard to remember that on days like this, so maybe that's a sign of progress that you're not just going into "screw it all" mode.

These things take a long time to sort out. Just keep doing your part to become a safe and worthwhile person to be in relationship with. Doing that will promote a healthy outcome for your future.

Strength and a boatload of perseverance to you from this incrementally EvolvingSoul.

Prayingforhope posted 5/20/2014 17:29 PM

Hang in there chief...we've all heard those words before and certainly so soon after dday. This is a journey, not a sprint and there are many more words like that coming in the future.

Prepare yourself for the long haul - read The Lifeboat.

Prepare yourself to help your spouse. When she says those things, she is trying to protect herself...from you. What else can YOU do to further protect her?

Now is not the time to feel sorry for yourself (I mean that in the best way possible because I know you are scared and feeling the panic we all know). But use those emotions for good and start being proactive and thinking ahead about her needs first.

You are in the right place. We are listening and here to support. Hang in there and be strong...this is only the beginning.

Wayflost posted 5/20/2014 23:01 PM

Listen to Praying... He knows what it is to have a person not allow you back into their life.

You need to listen to her too. She asked you for space, give her some.

Matilda23 posted 5/21/2014 01:16 AM


If she is asking for space, give that to her, but continue to work on yourself. She needs this time to analyze things. My BBF asked for space, and I gave that to him. That night he kicked me out and I texted him once that night and the next morning to let him know that I still love him. He said that if I hadn't done that we wouldn't be here. But I know him and know he needed words of affirmation. You know her better than I do, and if its space until she reaches out to you then you give it to her. Good luck and stay strong.

DWelshe posted 5/21/2014 01:22 AM

Thank you everyone for your words. It was a major help and made me realize that I was being selfish still. I guess I went into a panic, with the messages we were sending each other. So I sent this last messages.

Hi Katie. Don't worry this will be the last message I'll send until I have the money. I just wanted to message saying I am deeply sorry about my deceitful actions and what I did and how I did it. And that I'll respect what you want and leave you alone, not contact you or bother you and to let you go. I'm sorry for the neediness, begging and harassing in the messages last night, I was panicking. I love you Katie and I respect what you want and will not push it further. Goodbye ------- (BGF) xx

I hope she reads it. But if not I know I have sent it, and tried to do something constructive.

Also I would like to know where that book the lifeboat is I couldn't seem to find it, is there a link you could post at all ??

Yes I still want to change myself I don't want to be that person that did those things. It was a massive mistake in my life I will learn from. The link is the story of it all

I will still be active on this forum as I know it helps with my healing and change. I'll respect what she wants and not give her any contact I will only when I need to give her the money I said I would give back for our holiday we had and for herself to give me my laptop back. This was something we agreed. I'll have to let her go and change myself and see what the future holds. I see an overall positive outcome even if we dint get back together is that I will change.

As I am also applying for the Air Force and should hopefully enlist in Sept/Oct so that will also be a positive.

Again thank you all for the help and support you have shown I really appreciate it

DWelshe posted 5/21/2014 02:10 AM

Just an update about the message I had sent the reply was short and brief bit that was to be expected. It was a simple. Haha now you respect me a bit late for that. Goodbye.

I expected that I guess. But I did not reply as I do not want to press it more or cause any more trouble.

I feel bad but not as bad as I expected as I guess deep down I know I had to let her go. I guess the next step is looking to the future and changing myself

Prayingforhope posted 5/21/2014 02:25 AM

I just bummped The Lifeboat for you. It's at the top of this forum. I suggest reading it and using it as a framework to build your own plan of recovery. I can tell you from personal experience, I have "lifeboat discussions" with myself all the time to ask myself honestly if I am really working on myself and protecting my BS. Good luck!

DWelshe posted 5/21/2014 09:46 AM

Well I do believe its for her. As she has asked for this. And I'm following it. She isn't happy that I agreed after yesterday. Said I would do anything. I guess it come across as going back on what I have said. As I'm now being called a coward. I said that after reading on these forums and through books it's about you and tour healing and that you want space and I'm giving it to you. I made sure to not sound condescending and said how I acted last night begging was selfish. No reply back so far. But hopefully she can see that I'm trying what I can to change and do what's right for her

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