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Newest Member: Sarah5479 (61853)

User Topic: I am sure I am being irrational....
♀ 39005
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been a recurring theme in our M that I will want to do something and my BH will say no and we won't do it. There have been occasions that he does say yes but more often than not he has a reason why we can't do it, or says we will do it later but never do.

Last summer we were seperated so we obviously didnt go on a real family vacation. DD and I went camping with friends for a few days and BH came up for a couple nights and then went home cuz he had to work.

This summer I would like to go on a family vacation. I know it wont be anything extravagant as we dont have the money, and BH is at his new job.....since he hasn't been there for six months yet he does not get vacation time.

I suggested to BH that we go away for three days; two of which are his days off (the third day we could come home early before he goes to work). At first he seemed like he wanted to do it so I suggested we look for a place tonight so we can get a plan and make reservations (and actually get a room).

He said we have to wait ten days before we look and try to plan something cuz he could potentially get a new shift in that time frame. In order to change shifts at his job they need to "win a bid" which is something that the new CO's rarely do since they are at the bottom of the food chain.

Now like I said I know I am being stupid and irrational. I realize we could wait ten days and then try to find somewhere to stay and still go on vacation.

But I am a little upset because I feel like I am being put to the side. Just once I would like to hear yes we can do that, lets do it now.

I just needed to vent; I am sure people will think I am being stupid and bratty but just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone understands where I am coming from.

But what if I fall?
Oh Darling, but what if you fly?

Posts: 1269 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 41411
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not being stupid or irrational at all. You have a legitimate grievance and you're venting to friends ( ) instead of acting out.

Is it possible for you to plan it and book it all on your own (today or in 10 days)? My husband hates spending hours online looking at resorts or campsites or whatever, but I love it. And he usually doesn't get excited about it until right before we go.

That used to frustrate me, because I always get so excited when I've booked the trip, even if it's a year out. But that's just him. That's how he is.

Me: 31, xBSO, Now happily married

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

Posts: 257 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, hon, but you are being irrational. What if he does get the new shift? It is possible. The X got weekends within a year of becoming a CO. He's not putting you off because he's being difficult. He has to consider his job. It pays your bills, right?

You can still plan, even if you don't have dates. Look into quick getaways that can be booked at the last minute. This will take up some of your down time and will give you something to look forward to. Then, when you get a windfall of his having a few days off, you can say, "I'm booking a trip to XXX. Pack your stuff!"

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 39005
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both for your input! You both bring up good points!
Sad, like I said, it's not really waiting ten days that bothers me....I know we can wait a few days ands still find something. Its more the message that I feel it is sending. My BH is a very hard working man and always has been. I admire his work ethic and am proud of him. ..but sometimes he puts work first and us second. Im not trying to whine and complain. ..but I am just sick of hearing no we cant do something because he doesn't want the past I have made plans with just my DD or a friend and her son too. ..things that would be fun to do as a family, but we cant do them because he doesn't want to.

But what if I fall?
Oh Darling, but what if you fly?

Posts: 1269 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sometimes he puts work first and us second.
Oh boy can I relate.

QS uses work to escape. Gone at 6 am, back at 11pm. Weeks at a time. Its great. Part of it comes with the territory of his job, but a lot of it is his lack of ability to say "No!" We have had many heated discussions about it. He is much more aware. When he gets in these work jags (like he's in now) he tries so hard to communicate with me. Huge diff from before.

QS always talks about doing stuff with me. He's given me a lot of empty promises. And I get it. Sole breadwinner, blah blah. But still. I'm his partner. And we have children. And we only have about 936 Saturdays from birth to graduation. Priorities Dude. And he's doing better. Much better.

I think you have much larger fish to fry. Your dude clearly shows little to no interest in you as a couple. His mother is more pleasurable company than you. His family is more important than you. That's the way its always been. And you've accepted it for a long time. TBH, I don't know what you can say to get his attention. Sure, I get that he has a possible work switch sitch. But still. I get where you're coming from.

This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 7909 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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