SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

anothermoron posted 5/20/2014 19:56 PM

Knowing that your wife and all her family knows what a f-up you are can make you feel quite downhearted. I'm trying to focus on my wife and her healing, but I seem to be drifting into depression, and that's no good for anyone. My wife says that we have to stay together for now (small kids) but she knows now that it wont be forever. Se I guess we're just treading water till she decides it's time. And I worry that one day my kids will find everything out and want nothing to do with me too. So yeah, any words of encouragement gratefully received...

theseseatsRtaken posted 5/20/2014 21:46 PM

Mate,
Sounds to me like you are having a really hard time accepting who you are and what you have done, and that yes - this REALLY IS your reality now. For me, coming to terms with the fact that there really is no running from this, and no matter what I will always have done it, has been central to forging my ability to push through the pain, the shame and the depression.

Your feelings are normal. What you gave done has caused immeasurable heartache and has the potential to in the future. I know I would feel like my world was ending if I ever had to reveal to my son that I saw another woman while his mum was carrying him. We SHOULD feel agonising pain over this. Hopefully its what will transform us into people that will never let it happen again.

Once you find the clarity on the otherside of this fog, to look yourself in the mirror and accept - yes, I cheated, yes, I betrayed my children, yes, I have epitomised selfishness and yes I knew it all was wrong.... THEN you can make a resolute choice to be the man you should have been all along. One who owns his mistakes, but pushes forward in a spirit of integrity, love and truth hence forth. Even if they hate you, even if they leave.

Your chances of keeping your family just took a massive hit. Just like mine did. But you can ONLY increase them by accepting and living the above.

All IMO obviously. I hope you can come through. And I hope your family comes with you.

[This message edited by theseseatsRtaken at 9:47 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

Aubrie posted 5/20/2014 21:52 PM

Depression? Or self pity and shame? There is a difference. Not busting your chops. Legit question.

You messed up. Your children may or may not ever find out. You can let this chapter in your life define you, or you can keep writing pages in the story of your life, yell "plot twist!", and become a hero. Be your hero. Be an example. Heal. Rise above. Don't let "cheater" be branded on every page of your life story. Show yourself that you can be better. That this doesn't have to be a continuation. One step at a time. One healthy act at a time.

somethingremorse posted 5/21/2014 08:03 AM

Aubrie is right.

You cannot erase the past, as much as we'd love to do that. You cannot predict the future. Do what you can right now.

Be the best person and the best spouse you can. That's all you have control over. There is a great reward in being honest, open, being the person you want to be. Don't give up on that.

anothermoron posted 5/21/2014 08:40 AM

Thanks, I appreciate those responses. Feel much more positive today. Time to go kick some ass (figure of speech)