Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: ZombieGirl2

Wayward Side :
Words of encouragement

This Topic is Archived
stop

 anothermoron (original poster new member #43237) posted at 1:56 AM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Knowing that your wife and all her family knows what a f-up you are can make you feel quite downhearted. I'm trying to focus on my wife and her healing, but I seem to be drifting into depression, and that's no good for anyone. My wife says that we have to stay together for now (small kids) but she knows now that it wont be forever. Se I guess we're just treading water till she decides it's time. And I worry that one day my kids will find everything out and want nothing to do with me too. So yeah, any words of encouragement gratefully received...

posts: 43   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2014   ·   location: New York
id 6807163
default

theseseatsRtaken ( member #43088) posted at 3:46 AM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Mate,

Sounds to me like you are having a really hard time accepting who you are and what you have done, and that yes - this REALLY IS your reality now. For me, coming to terms with the fact that there really is no running from this, and no matter what I will always have done it, has been central to forging my ability to push through the pain, the shame and the depression.

Your feelings are normal. What you gave done has caused immeasurable heartache and has the potential to in the future. I know I would feel like my world was ending if I ever had to reveal to my son that I saw another woman while his mum was carrying him. We SHOULD feel agonising pain over this. Hopefully its what will transform us into people that will never let it happen again.

Once you find the clarity on the otherside of this fog, to look yourself in the mirror and accept - yes, I cheated, yes, I betrayed my children, yes, I have epitomised selfishness and yes I knew it all was wrong.... THEN you can make a resolute choice to be the man you should have been all along. One who owns his mistakes, but pushes forward in a spirit of integrity, love and truth hence forth. Even if they hate you, even if they leave.

Your chances of keeping your family just took a massive hit. Just like mine did. But you can ONLY increase them by accepting and living the above.

All IMO obviously. I hope you can come through. And I hope your family comes with you.

[This message edited by theseseatsRtaken at 9:47 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]

Me: WH 36
Her: BW 38 (RomanticInnocenc)
DS1: 7 DS2: 5 DS3: 4 DD: 2
DDay#1 08/Jan/14 DDay#2 10/Jan/14
PM's with men only pls.
Love is a choice. You dont fall into love. You step into it willingly - and you PRACTISE every day!

posts: 422   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2014   ·   location: Australia
id 6807269
default

Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 3:52 AM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Depression? Or self pity and shame? There is a difference. Not busting your chops. Legit question.

You messed up. Your children may or may not ever find out. You can let this chapter in your life define you, or you can keep writing pages in the story of your life, yell "plot twist!", and become a hero. Be your hero. Be an example. Heal. Rise above. Don't let "cheater" be branded on every page of your life story. Show yourself that you can be better. That this doesn't have to be a continuation. One step at a time. One healthy act at a time.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

posts: 7926   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2011
id 6807274
default

somethingremorse ( member #42047) posted at 2:03 PM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Aubrie is right.

You cannot erase the past, as much as we'd love to do that. You cannot predict the future. Do what you can right now.

Be the best person and the best spouse you can. That's all you have control over. There is a great reward in being honest, open, being the person you want to be. Don't give up on that.

Me: WH (40s)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

posts: 911   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2014   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6807597
default

 anothermoron (original poster new member #43237) posted at 2:40 PM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Thanks, I appreciate those responses. Feel much more positive today. Time to go kick some ass (figure of speech)

posts: 43   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2014   ·   location: New York
id 6807656
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy