Topic: Why is he derailing divorce? WS invited to post, too.
Member # 41705
| Posted: 9:59 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014|
I just don't understand. I was being Mrs. Nice and trying to reach a settlement and maintenance agreement through a collaborative process instead of going through litigation. He has done everything he can to slow the process down, make me crazy, make his own children hate him, and in general be a total fucking idiot. You would think he would jump at the chance to be with the love of his life. After all, he had to spend 33 awful years with me, practicing for her. He doesn't seem to realize that he will only be costing himself more if this doesn't work out. He has sent me a new budget each week, which I promptly file in the trash. Does he think he is still in charge, and that I would rely on his judgement? WS are invited to post if they have acted in this manner, or have some understanding. I would love to know the answer to this, then I could cope with it better. He makes no sense, at all.
Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
Member # 14918
| Posted: 10:11 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014|
Lawyer up. Show him you're done having him dictate the rules!
You can do this.
Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?
Posts: 1243 | Registered: Jun 2007
Member # 14759
| Posted: 1:07 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014|
Things are probably not going well with the ow, he's realizing the grass is not greener, and he's realizing what a divorce is going to cost him financially. He's trying to make you his back up plan.
Me: BW 60
Him: STBXWH 62
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorce final: 9/2014
Posts: 486 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Member # 38923
| Posted: 3:02 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014|
I like to think this is the reason, too. It's the one I convince myself of. We all tell ourselves that.
But I'm openminded to there being another reason. Only I have no idea what it could be.
I often think it could be that they are simply exacting revenge from years of resentment they have towards us. If they were genuinely unhappy and felt oppressed for many years then this is their way of taking control. Just a theory though
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it
Posts: 742 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Member # 36445
| Posted: 5:48 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014|
I think it is about control, while he messes with you and the process he still gets to control you and your life.
My ex did this, wanted the divorce so he could marry ow and kept delaying the process at every turn. He even neglected to turn up to court so he could delay the process again.
It's about having their cake and eating it too.
"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.
Posts: 1404 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39166
| Posted: 6:17 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014|
Is yours passive aggressive? Mine is. I don't expect anything other than passive resistance, procrastination, passive aggressive nasty comments about me to others (incl the children) and resentment from him. He also likes to use his passive aggression to try to control me,so that's part of it too.
As people often say, you can't expect in D what you didn't get in your M.
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.
"Until God opens the next do
Posts: 1115 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Member # 40115
| Posted: 7:29 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2014|
Yep. Bluebird nailed it. It's about control. He may not want to be with you, but that doesn't mean he wants to give up his control over you.
Edited to correct stupid typos.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
Posts: 2090 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
|Topic Posts: 7|