Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. I am sad.
We usually don't do anything special. Like most years, this year we have one of our kids' school concerts to go to. Usually it's just exchanging cards, or I'll send flowers.
Yesterday I found myself in the card store, crying my eyes out. I think I found an appropriate card. BW gave me a funny one, because she couldn't find a serious one that fit.
We are doing well in R. On my card, I wrote that I feel like this is the beginning of the rest of our lives together. BW said that was perfect.
Still, I am sad.
I have some fuzzy memories of the past few years. I remember times where I wouldn't put much thought into cards or presents. One Christmas in particular stands out in my mind. It was very much a "whatever" effort by me. It wasn't all the time, but it never should have happened at all. This anniversary has made me realize that I wasted all of those years. How could I behave like that? I hate that these dates came and went, and I couldn't make any effort to stop and appreciate what I had.
I am trying to look ahead. There is a lot of hope in our future. Still, I am sad today. I hope my secretary doesn't come into my office to see me crying again.
Sorry for the downer. It helps to get it out. Maybe someone feels the same, and can take solace in the fact that they are not alone.