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All this talk about AD's...a realization

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kwash posted 5/21/2014 11:34 AM

I posted yesterday about wanting to ask my doctor to prescribe something that will help me feel more rested and have more energy/focus during the day, but I'm not really up for a long exploration of the issue and don't want to do homework or a sleep study - I just want to take something that will help. After reading the responses here I decided I would eventually set up an appointment to talk to my doctor.

Then this morning I am in the shower conditioning my hair and listening to the non-stop running dialogue in my head ("Why am I so late again?! Why can't I just get out of bed like a normal person?! Why don't any of my clothes fit? (Because I'm lazy - duh!!) Do I really have to shave my legs?"), when it occurs to me that my 10 year anti-versary is coming up. The reason I came to SI, d-day with my XH, was 10 years ago. I considered having a good cry in the shower, but of course I am too late to have time for that, so I tried to shove the thought out of my head and get to work.

No dice. Out of the shower I started thinking that maybe that's why I've been feeling extra tired/unfocused lately? Is it possible that it is in my sub-conscious? Is that why I've been worrying about my new (fabulous, grown-up, true partner) H's business trips and whether or not our sex life is okay?

In any event, I started thinking about all the threads here about going back on ADs and I called my doctor to get an appointment to discuss just that. I can't get in to see him until June 2nd, but until then I am going to sit with this feeling (not all day, though I have a feeling the running dialogue will be running off at the mouth!) and see if it is depression. If so then the ADs will help.

This sucks. Thanks for listening.

heartbroken_kk posted 5/21/2014 19:26 PM

Ahhh,, yes. I went back on AD's today.

I've been super lethargic, paralytic, I need to find a job, file some divorce papers, write an article, etc....

And I can't find enough energy to do it.

For me welbutrin was a big energy booster so I'm trying it again. The zoloft was murder to get off so I'm going to try to stay away.

After a lifetime of chronic depression and the last few years trying to claw my way out of a suicidal black hole I have to say that I want nothing of depression anymore. I want to be happy and healthy. If my situation is depressing (and it is - unemployed and living in an RV), and I'm having symptoms of depression again, I see no harm in tryin ADs again to see if they helped. They helped a lot last time.

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