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Angeles85 posted 5/21/2014 12:12 PM

Hello everyone, I'm sorry this is going to be long.
4 1/2 months after DDAY#3 (separation)
Ex was part of a baseball team for the 4 years we were together, we were friends with all the other players and their wives.Ex and I used to go camping every long weekend with them. Yesterday a mutual friend (who knows about the separation) calls me to ask me if I wanted to go camping this coming long weekend ...oh the memories. I was afraid of this day, that's something we would looked forward every year...the planning, the long drive,etc. Then, something clicked on my mind, this person never called/text before to ask how I was doing, there's no singles in this camping trip so WHY would she invite me?? Maybe I'm wrong but then I remembered how we used to be the perfect couple:
We were always happy, he was tall, handsome and the best player on the team, I was so nice to everybody, and yes (kind of good looking, too) we both treated each other with love (something they never did with their spouses) we didn't have any kids so we were always traveling around, going out, etc. I'm crying while I type this because I was REALLY happy at that time. One day one of the wives moved out of state and she called me before living to let me know that she was so happy to see us every Sunday that she felt so jealous (in a good way) to see a couple like us and she said all the other wives thought the same thing but they were too proud to say it.
Last week I went to get lunch with one of my best friends that visited LA for a couple of days and she said the same thing...she said she had to start pushing her husband to go out more after she saw all my trips/pics with ex that we posted on FB. And I only posted less than half of out trips on FB because I never liked to share too much...
So then all the memories come and I realized he is a good man, he always treated me right, he took care of me, he treated my family good...he is a good man but he flirts with other women and that's something I cannot live with...I am just scared, scared that I will never love another man that way and that I will never be loved again..that I will never be happy like we used to be. “Sometimes I think I've felt everything I'm ever gonna feel, and from here on out I'm not gonna feel anything new.”
Sorry just having a really bad day, all the memories, second thoughts for R but deep inside me I know the answer...I was stupid, we were never the perfect couple

[This message edited by Angeles85 at 12:12 PM, May 21st (Wednesday)]

norabird posted 5/21/2014 13:23 PM

It's okay to get swept up by the memories. But sometimes as you acknowledge we focus on that 'perfect' image when actually reality was a much more mixed bag. Remind yourself of the bad times too!

You will love again. Start by loving yourself and be patient. There is lots of time. Let yourself mourn, too; that's a process that can't be rushed as long as you aren't wallowing in it.

(((Angeles)))

IrishLass518 posted 5/21/2014 14:14 PM

I heard that we were "the perfect couple" a lot. I told people that we weren't and don't put that kind of pressure on us. We had the same problems as other people. The person who told me the most that we were the perfect couple was the now OWifetress.

Angeles85 posted 5/21/2014 14:54 PM

Thanks Nora, yes I'm always trying to remember the bad moments, too and the pain he caused me...only yesterday with the camping stuff those memories came to my mind. working on that...I know it's only a bad day.
Irish, I am sorry that happened to u. Some people just have no respect...the other woman knew me, too. She was a co-worker...
They never told me we were the "perfect couple" the only person that told me was told by me that we were far from perfect, even before any A we used to have some issues.