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sex addict?

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unawareIDIOT posted 5/21/2014 12:48 PM

He says he's been addicted to sex and porn for nearly his whole life. Now that we have a deeper relationship, he says he doesn't feel driven to do those things anymore. Is it possible that is gone for good? How long will it take before other women fill his mind again? Can he ever NOT want them?

outtanowhere posted 5/21/2014 12:59 PM

The short answer is no. If it is a true addiction it will take very hard work in therapy with a certified sex addiction therapist coupled with some type of group therapy and/or 12 step program. It involves a serious reprogramming of the brain that doesn't dissipate overnight and it can't simply be willed away.

Don't believe what he says right now. Go to the I Can Relate forum and read the first page on the Spouses of Sex Addicts thread. There is a whole lot you need to know about this and you simply can't believe him.

Daddo posted 5/21/2014 13:57 PM

I hate the phrase, sex addict.

Though some tiny minority of humans may be so obsessed by sex that they are incapable of controlling their thoughts, actions and behaviors, making a disease out of bad choices does little good.

The fact is that most people obsess about sex. Men in particular think about sex every few minutes. Men masterbate many times a week and men fantasize about random sex partners nearly every day. Finally, given a chance, most men look at porn frequently. Study after study of human sexuality confirms all the above. People should not live in shame for the above behaviors.

However, there is a difference between thinking about sex and seeking inappropriate sexual partners. We should be judged by our behavior, not by our darkest thoughts.

To get to your question, "is it possible for him to have gone good?", I will respond with a question - are you talking about thoughts or actions?

Yes, it is possible for people to mature and to understand the consequences of our actions - and by doing so, to change our behaviors.

Change those thoughts . . . that is less likely.

That said, interest in sex changes with age, mood, health - so maybe. But you can't expect these changes to be permanent - unless he had a major health or lifestyle change.

outtanowhere posted 5/21/2014 14:17 PM

The fact is that most people obsess about sex

I respectfully disagree but, your point is taken regarding behavior vs. thoughts. I hate the term as well however, I am living it as are many others here. Living with any addictive behavior is particularly challenging and it is difficult to read posts that are so dismissive without becoming defensive.

Unaware, to be sure, your H should be evaluated by a therapist before you go further with a self diagnosis. There is probably more to what has been going on than you would ever guess.

[This message edited by outtanowhere at 2:21 PM, May 21st (Wednesday)]

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