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"White Trash" and "Easy"

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MadeOfScars posted 5/21/2014 13:18 PM

Debated between S/D and NB for this one, but I think it fits here.

So, this past weekend, a well-meaning but sometimes socially clueless friend gave me an update on my xWW. Apparently he hadn't dropped her from his FB (he's rarely on it anyway so I'm not "mad" about it or anything), and upon checking FB for the first time in months, he came across some of her posts since our split. Apparently my xWW is looking quite, well, bad. "She's gone full white trash," he said. His wife, originally cringing at her husband for telling me anything about my ex, eventually chimed in with, "hate to say it, but her new look says 'I'm easy.'"

It wasn't that long ago that news with or without pictures, would have broken me. Now? If anything, I'm a bit irritated with myself for seeing her in a light at one time that she didn't deserve. The term "white trash" does apply in many ways to her FOO,so it shouldn't be a surprise. White trash does not mean poor, southern and of pale complexion. I know many poor folks who I consider great people, and folks who make much more money and live in nice neighborhoods who I abhor, and everything in between. Anyway, all that said, I didn't need to see a picture of her to see the term apply. Kinda sad really...

Notice how I said this happened this weekend? That leads to another reason I posted this in NB. There was a time not long ago where such an incident would have me on SI and burning up my keyboard before I even knew what I was doing. This incident was more "meh" than anything. Haven't been dwelling on it, feeling sorry for myself, or feeling sorry for her. It just doesn't matter anymore. I pulled her out of the "trash" for nearly 12 years. What she wallows in now is of no concern to me. That truly is a liberating realization. I don't know that I will fully be in the much-longed-for "Indifference" phase for a while still, but I'm getting there.

just wanted to share

norabird posted 5/21/2014 13:44 PM

I'm so glad you're getting there MoS! I have noticed that your weekend posting has lessened and was hoping this was the reason why.

justjim posted 5/21/2014 15:58 PM

I'm being told exactly the same thing about my stbx, and when I saw her at the hearing I was shocked at her appearance.

Must be part of the "Cheater's Handbook", bro.

Vulcanized posted 5/21/2014 16:11 PM

Just so's you know, it works that way with the dudes too.

My XH looks like bloated, aging hipster trash.

MadeOfScars posted 5/21/2014 19:20 PM

@norabird - You know what? Weekends are getting better! Part of it is I'm busy as all hell with work and and home maintenance, but I am not "dwelling" as much nonetheless. There's still some bad days and there will be for a while, but they are getting less and less.

@ justjim - Yeah, I am convinced from this site too that there is a handbook they all follow. It's uncanny, really.

My XH looks like bloated, aging hipster trash.

@ Vulcanized - funny description there He must read from the male version of the cheater's handbook. Or maybe people who are ugly on the inside start to show on the outside. Whatever it is, we're better off without them.

PurpleRose posted 5/21/2014 19:29 PM

Definitely works both ways... The Dooosh is fat, balding, and still dressing like an 11 year old boy- board shorts, holey tshirts, and flip flops.

How attractive... NOT.

SBB posted 5/22/2014 04:38 AM

We use the term Bogan here. It is exactly what the sad clown is. A Bogan in a suit. His behaviour is so cliche I'm embarrassed to have been associated with him - I used to be embarrassed for him.

An acronym that has always made me laugh is CUBs - Cashed Up Bogans.

He's also got that skinny/fat bloated look going on. You know the one you get when you're in your 40s but partying like a 20 year old? That's the one.

In the early days I was really worried about him. He looked so sick. Now I think his outside is a reflection of his inside. In a few years he'll be 70s Elvis.

MadeOfScars posted 5/22/2014 09:11 AM

The Dooosh is fat, balding, and still dressing like an 11 year old boy- board shorts, holey tshirts, and flip flops.

I've seen this type of guy and I always think to myself "so that's how you attract a good woman." Just kidding, I've never thought that.

An acronym that has always made me laugh is CUBs - Cashed Up Bogans.

I'm going to start using this in the States - I will make this a thing

He's also got that skinny/fat bloated look going on. You know the one you get when you're in your 40s but partying like a 20 year old? That's the one.

In the early days I was really worried about him. He looked so sick. Now I think his outside is a reflection of his inside. In a few years he'll be 70s Elvis.

Hate to say it, but I was starting to look this way around my d-day. Still does NOT excuse my xWW's actions (I need to come up with a clever and non-flattering nickname like "sad clown" or "the Dooosh" btw). I think a lot of my issues stemmed from poor diet (eating out way too much), lack of exercise, stress, and especially right after d-day, a TON of alcohol. From tips from the good people of SI, support of family and friends as well as my own inner drive, I'm eating much better, drinking much less (though I still have my moments) and working out 6 days a week. Work still gives me plenty of stress, but recent events (like a cheating xWW) kinda help me keep things in perspective a bit better.

What all this has led to is a drastic reduction in the bloated face look (I have, dare I say, the appearance of a jawline) about 20lbs lost, better coloring and complexion, and just an overall healthier appearance. That's not just me saying that. I have family and friends who don't exactly pull punches or BS me who told me when I looked like crap, and on the flip-side tell me that whatever I'm doing now is definitely working for me. Feels good...

This is just more reason I believe that us betrayed who survive this mess really do come out on the other side so much better in so many ways. I read this very opinion on this site so many times early on when I was crying my heart out in JFO, and it was so very hard to believe it. I'm seeing it now. Like with so very many things you good people of SI have told me and many others, once again, you're right

SBB posted 5/22/2014 09:41 AM

Hate to say it, but I was starting to look this way around my d-day.

Oh I was a hot mess in the months leading up to DD. My hair was falling out in clumps, my skin was grey and I was barely sleeping. I had gone completely numb and was so miserable my friends and family were voicing their concern.

Then DD hit and I lost 15kg (33 pounds) in 4 weeks.

Now that I'm happy I look better than ever. This stuff happens from the inside out. It's pretty amazing really.

MadeOfScars posted 5/22/2014 10:05 AM

Now that I'm happy I look better than ever. This stuff happens from the inside out. It's pretty amazing really.

Exactly! It seems the opposite holds true too judging by the appearance of our ex-waywards. It's their loss.

gypsybird87 posted 5/22/2014 13:48 PM

Just so's you know, it works that way with the dudes too. My XH looks like bloated, aging hipster trash.

Swap "redneck" in for hipster and you've got my XWH as well. When I see recent photos of him (which is rare), I'm stunned at how much he's aged in the last year. Balder, fatter, more wrinkled, and definitely looking tired and worn out in general. I guess being a full-time NPD asshole and looking after a drunk driving convict whore is pretty exhausting. I should really be more sympathetic, I suppose.

In contrast when I see recent photos of myself, I think I look pretty good. I don't know about younger, but definitely happier. I had developed this sad/stressed scowl without even realizing it, and now it's completely gone.

So glad you're doing well, Scars. Keep it up!

[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 1:49 PM, May 22nd (Thursday)]

MadeOfScars posted 5/22/2014 14:07 PM

I guess being a full-time NPD asshole and looking after a drunk driving convict whore is pretty exhausting. I should really be more sympathetic, I suppose.

If so, then I should be sympathetic by how exhausting it must be for her to be the center-of-attention and servicer of all at those dirty redneck bars every night. Must be absolutely draining.

I'm glad you're seeing your inner beauty reflected in a physical sense too. All that work we're almost forced to put in on ourselves does pay off. Some beauty is skin deep and cracks over time. Inner beauty shines through all and makes you more attractive to the right people.

lost4now posted 5/22/2014 14:53 PM

The past few times I have seen my exH he looked horrible. He is pale, looks tired, overweight and is poorly dressed. I think infidelity takes it's toll on the cheater. Or her poison is working on him!!!! Can't say he doesn't deserve it!!!!


asurvivor posted 5/22/2014 15:43 PM

I saw my X the other day and she looked absolutely amazing. You know what, I could give a shit either way. The woman is none of my concern because I have moved the hell on.

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