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million pieces posted 5/21/2014 19:24 PM

I have a pretty close friend that is going through this. Her husband has pretty much screwed the whole family with his hidden debt. She said his CC debt alone was more than his yearly salary and he make a good amount. She does not know or will not tell me what he spent the money on. There may or may have not been been cheating (I totally think yes). She has found numerous empty ETOH bottles hidden throughout the house. She confronted, filed, he hit rock bottom and now wants to R (she has made a long list of demands and so far he is meeting them- and they sounded pretty sound to me). Is financial infidelity and reconciliation from that similar enough to sexual infidelity that I could point her to this site? Any suggestions?

He has gaslighted her for YEARS now and she has become a shell of the women I met 10 years ago. But she actually was smiling when she told me about what she had found out last week. It was relief, relief knowing she wasn't crazy. And she totally thinks he is remorseful. I don't know, maybe he is. But I don't trust his complete about face. But I am jaded.

Dreamboat posted 5/21/2014 20:58 PM

I have not experienced the type of financial infidelity that your friend has. But I think many of us here have seen a bit of finical infidelity that goes along with sexual infidelity. How often doe we see people post about bank accounts that have been drained or credit cards that have been rung up that the BS did not know about. I experienced some of that myself.

This site may be too specific about sexual infidelity to help your friend, but then there may be many things that ring true for her -- the lies, trickle truth, gaslighting, and blameshifting. So maybe it would help, if nothing else to know that she is not alone and she is not crazy.

HTH