It has been two months since the love of my life discovered my secret betrayal. I have read many posts on this site, and all have been helpful. I am not sure what I am looking for by posting, but any and all responses are welcome.
I love my wife more than words can say, and she is my best friend. I have crushed her spirits and broken her trust. I am doing everything I can to be gentle, help her heal, be transparent, etc.
My betrayal was through excessive internet pornography, strip clubs (including lap dances and VIP room session), several online dating profiles, and contacting escorts. I believe I have created a sexual addiction through years of heavy internet porn use and am currently in therapy. I don't like the term Sex Addict because it implies that I had no control over my actions, which is not true.
I have also been emotionally manipulative and abusive to her. I really wasn't even aware I was doing this to her until she analyzed our fights and pointed out several things I do in them.
I am very depressed, but nothing compares to how she is feeling. We were best friends and she believed she knew everything about me. I lied to her.
So here I am. She is open to R, but barely. I want to find integrity and be the man I know I can be. Things are very up and down. It's calm as of right now, and I feel driven to make changes for myself and hopeful that she will someday be able to trust again.