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User Topic: Letting Go Of The Outcome
Furious1
♀ 42970
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday in IC, we were talking about the boundaries I have set with my WH. I asked him if my new boundaries were too strict. He assured me that they were not, but he pointed something out to me. He told me that I knew what I could or could not live with, but that I have yet to let go of the outcome.

I tried to make excuses for it, but my IC called me out on it. He reminded me that I had set boundaries with my FOO and I had let go of the outcome with them. He told me that I needed to do the same with my WH. He told me that it was now on him to abide by my boundaries or not.

My IC is right. I have been shouldering the burden and responsibility for too long. Whether my M works out or not is no longer in my control. I have finally let go of the outcome and it is so liberating!!!


BW (me): 43 WH (him): 51
3 adult kids (his, mine, and ours)
D-day: 10/4/13. Married 20 years. Numerous A's spanning 18 years and an 8 year PA with my sister (EA went on for 18 years though).

Posts: 5804 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is such a huge step! I remember my BH getting to that point and it changed everything for him.

Congrats on positive steps forward.


Suppressing your feelings only locks them in place.

Posts: 52118 | Registered: Sep 2007
OakStreet
♀ 41193
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Furious 1))

I like that - Letting go of the outcome. But, being on the fence about R, I definitely want to get my little ducks in a row.

I just started IC this week (after being in MC for several months) and I hope that my counselor will be very "enlightening" for me!


Me: 60, WH 67
Married: 23 years
DS 21, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
Divorced Jan. 2016

Posts: 961 | Registered: Nov 2013
Furious1
♀ 42970
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

authenticnow, thanks. I didn't realize how shackled I have been with fear. I have been terrified of WH lying to me again, of cheating on me again, of flirting with women, and so on. It's like a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. If he does, he does and I will handle it according to what I can and can not live with. It is now on him. I now feel freer to invest in our R, but only according to my boundaries if that makes any sense.

OakStreet, I completely understand the need to get your ducks in a row. To me, it's part of letting go of the outcome. I am prepared to back up my boundaries at any time. I hope your IC is as awesome as mine.


BW (me): 43 WH (him): 51
3 adult kids (his, mine, and ours)
D-day: 10/4/13. Married 20 years. Numerous A's spanning 18 years and an 8 year PA with my sister (EA went on for 18 years though).

Posts: 5804 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 4

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