SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Letting Go Of The Outcome

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Furious1 posted 5/22/2014 05:53 AM

Yesterday in IC, we were talking about the boundaries I have set with my WH. I asked him if my new boundaries were too strict. He assured me that they were not, but he pointed something out to me. He told me that I knew what I could or could not live with, but that I have yet to let go of the outcome.

I tried to make excuses for it, but my IC called me out on it. He reminded me that I had set boundaries with my FOO and I had let go of the outcome with them. He told me that I needed to do the same with my WH. He told me that it was now on him to abide by my boundaries or not.

My IC is right. I have been shouldering the burden and responsibility for too long. Whether my M works out or not is no longer in my control. I have finally let go of the outcome and it is so liberating!!!

authenticnow posted 5/22/2014 06:09 AM

This is such a huge step! I remember my BH getting to that point and it changed everything for him.

Congrats on positive steps forward.

OakStreet posted 5/22/2014 06:10 AM

((Furious 1))

I like that - Letting go of the outcome. But, being on the fence about R, I definitely want to get my little ducks in a row.

I just started IC this week (after being in MC for several months) and I hope that my counselor will be very "enlightening" for me!

Furious1 posted 5/22/2014 06:48 AM

authenticnow, thanks. I didn't realize how shackled I have been with fear. I have been terrified of WH lying to me again, of cheating on me again, of flirting with women, and so on. It's like a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. If he does, he does and I will handle it according to what I can and can not live with. It is now on him. I now feel freer to invest in our R, but only according to my boundaries if that makes any sense.

OakStreet, I completely understand the need to get your ducks in a row. To me, it's part of letting go of the outcome. I am prepared to back up my boundaries at any time. I hope your IC is as awesome as mine.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy