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Newest Member: iasion (46495)

User Topic: Letting Go Of The Outcome
Furious1
♀ 42970
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday in IC, we were talking about the boundaries I have set with my WH. I asked him if my new boundaries were too strict. He assured me that they were not, but he pointed something out to me. He told me that I knew what I could or could not live with, but that I have yet to let go of the outcome.

I tried to make excuses for it, but my IC called me out on it. He reminded me that I had set boundaries with my FOO and I had let go of the outcome with them. He told me that I needed to do the same with my WH. He told me that it was now on him to abide by my boundaries or not.

My IC is right. I have been shouldering the burden and responsibility for too long. Whether my M works out or not is no longer in my control. I have finally let go of the outcome and it is so liberating!!!


BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 19 years. SD26 from his 1st M. DS21 from my 1st M. DD17 (autistic), OC18 (S), OC17 (D)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 7 year PA with my sister.

Posts: 515 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is such a huge step! I remember my BH getting to that point and it changed everything for him.

Congrats on positive steps forward.


Happiness is an inside job. ---William Arthur Ward

Posts: 39730 | Registered: Sep 2007
OakStreet
♀ 41193
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Furious 1))

I like that - Letting go of the outcome. But, being on the fence about R, I definitely want to get my little ducks in a row.

I just started IC this week (after being in MC for several months) and I hope that my counselor will be very "enlightening" for me!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 569 | Registered: Nov 2013
Furious1
♀ 42970
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, May 22nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

authenticnow, thanks. I didn't realize how shackled I have been with fear. I have been terrified of WH lying to me again, of cheating on me again, of flirting with women, and so on. It's like a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. If he does, he does and I will handle it according to what I can and can not live with. It is now on him. I now feel freer to invest in our R, but only according to my boundaries if that makes any sense.

OakStreet, I completely understand the need to get your ducks in a row. To me, it's part of letting go of the outcome. I am prepared to back up my boundaries at any time. I hope your IC is as awesome as mine.


BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 19 years. SD26 from his 1st M. DS21 from my 1st M. DD17 (autistic), OC18 (S), OC17 (D)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 7 year PA with my sister.

Posts: 515 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 4

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