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Backstory: My WS had an EA (allegedly) 4.5 years ago. I have found out soon after that he was also having little EAs with a few other women. We went to counseling and everything seemed to be ok. I found out 6 months ago that he was having another EA (again, allegedly a EA, not a PA). He seemed remorseful, but found out again that he was contacting women (at least 4) and hiding it on his work phone.

The first time, I wrote it off as middle aged crazy, the EA six months ago prompted me to tell him that if he didn't shape up, I would file for divorce (and he was very upset, made lots of excuses, was remorseful and promised to make changes). And now, here we are with yet more women.

I have been a wreck. Crying all the time because it has REALLY hit me that this man is a cold, backstabbing liar. Just a few weeks ago we were talking about how we would like to retire on an island and he would email me pictures from work of cool places and houses. We talked about our dreams for our future and the kids' future. And all the time, he has been carrying on with other women. This is a man that calls me several times a day at work and we talk all the time. I'm realizing that I REALLY REALLY have no idea who he is. He is so deceiving because he appears to be a nice, family-values kinda guy, but secretly he is a compulsive skirt chaser.

This morning while getting ready for work, I sort of shut down and was lost in space for about 15 minutes. I forgot to get my son up for school and lost all track of time. This never happens to me. Am I losing it? Has this happened to any of you?

Also, one more question. WS decided to "manscape" himself about 2 months ago. He said that we was doing it for me to make himself more attractive. Uh, I have never mentioned once that I find a shaved body more attractive. Was this for someone else?

[This message edited by houseofpain at 10:59 AM, May 22nd (Thursday)]

(((house)))

I sort of shut down and was lost in space for about 15 minutes. I forgot to get my son up for school and lost all track of time

This happened to me a lot. I was in kohls once and just forgot to keep walking down the isle. I don't know how long I stood there. It was like an out of body experience. Menally I was lost. During false R, I forgot streets, where I was, how I got there, what I did that day, how to spell the word "I", etc... When I couldn't remember bringing my child to school, but knew she was there, I went to a neurologist. One mri later, I was told it was stress. With healthy eating, exercise, deep breathing, ADs, anxiety med, and that word I hate "time", my memory came back.

You have been under so much emotional & mental stress. Having your mind going a million miles a minute takes a toll on every part of you. Your memory, your body, your nerves. They need a break. How are you sleeping lately?

Manscaping? This could be a number of things. Are there any other signs? Phone calls, texts, emails, going out more, change in attitude? There is a chance that he is feeling insecure about his looks, but based on the past I would look at his other actions. Are you in MC?

Sending you strength.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:25 AM, May 22nd (Thursday)]

Hi, houseofpain

Well I don't want to sound too much here, but everything you mentioned sounds questionable to me. My xwf did the hair coloring, got my opinion, I thought it was for keeping up with new job potential, his younger coworkers, and looking younger and professional, but no...I had to find out the hard way and a couple years later.

All that EA history sounds like what it probably is and more. How long have you been together/married?

Others here will give you ideas of ways to get more confirmation of everything, go into discovery mode to prove.

Oh, and your mind drifting off is the stress of overdrive trying to make sense of crazymaking confusing information coming at you consciously and subconsciously. Stress. Did you start IC?

Good luck. Take care of yourself. Drink plenty of water/fluids. Eat. Sleep. Walk outdoors every day.

Hugs.

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 12:15 PM, May 22nd (Thursday)]

I remember those first few weeks feeling truly crazy, like need-to-be-hospitalized crazy. I also ended up in the ER for an anxiety attack that I thought was a heart attack. Others here assured me that it was normal to feel that way in response to the very traumatic situation I was in, and that it would pass. And it did!

It sounds to me like the numbness wore off and that cold reality is setting in for you. It's not a good feeling, but if you let yourself process and feel it, it does help you get grounded again. I found anger set in after the crazy went away, and that propelled me into action. Again, not a good feeling, but way better than being adrift and helpless.

Hang in there, house!

Thank you for your replies. This whole thing is crazy-making. I start out thinking that with therapy that WS might get better, but I also know that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. And I am also aware that I don't know the whole truth (for every roach you see, there are 50 you don't see, right?).

I do not, on any level, know how a person can keep up a double life for years. For a few weeks, even months, yes, but years? (We have been married 15.5 years). I can't comprehend how someone can be two different people or how he can want to be married to me but feel okay about lying and making a complete fool out of me.

This is nuts! And it's making me nuts!

[This message edited by houseofpain at 1:47 PM, May 22nd (Thursday)]