My BS and I watched a lightning storm last night, and it was amazing to be able to spend that time with her. It was really restful.
Today the event came up and it felt like DDay all over again. I feel a thrill of panic every time it comes up, and I am not sure how to deal with that. Lately, it has been really good, but every time it comes up I feel that anxiety coming back- I feel that fear again. I hate that.
I just want so much for things to return to normal, but I realize that this is all on me. It is really hard reconciling my current frame of mind with my past actions. I just want to fix it, but I realize that the only thing that can fix it is time and rebuilding trust.
I just hate feeling that panic and not knowing how to deal with it.