SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

As some of you know I had an A with my BIL, BH's sister's husband. As couples we have never considered going completely NC but it's only recently that we decided to try attending some family events together. But since we made that decision there hasn't been an event yet.

Well, fate decided to put us all together before that could happen. Our other SIL's high school musical ran this week and we happened to choose the same night to attend. For any of you expecting drama the night was relatively uneventful, except for intermission. Unbeknownst to me, AP and I got up from our seats at the same time. On my way to the bathroom I passed AP, who was getting refreshments, in the crowded hall. After I left the restroom he was still in the hall before the door into the auditorium. I was going to pass him again and closer than I would like with the people crowding the door so I tried to go around him only to meet a dead end. AP noticed and then back tracked so I could pass by him at the furthest distance possible in the narrow hall. As far as I know, we avoided looking at each other as much as possible the entire encounter. It was very awkward but perhaps the best it could've gone.

Unfortunately SIL and BH stayed in their seats so it was just us and I'm sure that was triggering and traumatizing for both of them. BH saw AP leave his seat right after I did but let me go anyway without telling me.

Is there anything I could have done better or I could do differently in the future since encounters like this are bound to happen again?

[This message edited by nightmarelife at 5:27 PM, May 22nd (Thursday)]

You didn't plan to get up at the same time and you did wonderfully with trying to get back without any interaction. The only thing you can control is your actions and from my (fbgf) POV, you did just fine. The only thing left is to keep on thinking of your BH and do what you can to help him as he needs it.

I don't see where you could have done anything differently. Course someone could always disagree. See, healing and needs are individual. As long as your BH is ok with how you handled it, you're golden. His opinion is the one that matters the most in this.

That's great.

Did you discuss that both of you were gone at the same time? Were you and your BH able to get back into the show after intermission?

Sorry for the late reply. It's been a busy week.

Thanks poopyla and Aubrie. It gave me a boost to think that maybe I was "golden" for a moment.

Somethingremorse, yes, I got back into the show just before the 2nd act started and BH never left his seat so he was fine. We didn't have any time to discuss what happened until after the show but we did after we got home and BH was ok with how I handled it.

As a bit of an update, BH's birthday is tomorrow and per the usual he wanted to have dinner with his family. He invited "everyone" and his sister called back to ask if he was ok if AP/BIL came. I didn't imagine BH would be ok with that but we hadn't discussed it. But to my chagrin, he told her he was ok with him coming! Wow, he surprises me. I'm so proud of him. Cheers to another baby step towards healing and making things a little less awkward in the future.

Me: WW (32)
Him: BH (37)
1 DS, 1 DD, and 1 DD on the way
Married 12 years
Dday: 10/26/13

[This message edited by nightmarelife at 12:25 AM, May 25th (Sunday)]

UPDATE

If anyone's interested I started a new thread about BH's birthday party called "Some hope, but why don't I feel better?" I'd appreciate any comments and/or support you could give me.