After me and my BGF had been messaging each other she asked me to call her which I thought that it was a positive step but I did have my doubts and I was right. We ended up both getting upset, me hurting her more. The jist of it was me admiting that in the relationship I did a lot of things wrong and now I am trying to change. As I never really realized I had all these underlying problems. I was not trying to make excuses about what had happened those 3 times. She was angry and upset I don't blame her as her emotions are going to be all over the place. I just kept apologizing and explained that I know what I have done and that I'm going to change and what it is I am changing.
She dosnt trust what I said, which I understand as after what I have done how could she trust me yet. And that even if I am changing. She dosnt want to be back with me, as when she thinks of me I make her sick and with her family hating which is to be expected she could never do that to them. It ended with her saying don't speak to her and to only do it when I got the money I said I would give her. I had said in a message
Katie I am so sorry. I know I'm the last person you would want with you. But I wish I was there. To be able to hug you and tell you everything is going to be ok. That I know I broke your heart and it torments me. And that your heart would be safe with me again. I love you Katie. And I know you probably won't reply as you don't want to speak to me but I just thought I should say this
I guess had backslided as I had messaged her only a couple of times throughout the day.
Katie I just wanted to message you. Especially after last night. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I felt terrible with the more pain I caused last night. It might help looking at this - http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250 . I know you a strong independent woman. That was one of the qualities I admired in you, and had drawn me to you. But not just that link that website will help. I really hope you look at it. I know your in work and can't really speak. But I really think the talking does help as it lets you vent everything. Im here Katie wanting and waiting to talk to you or do whatever you need. I Love You
And I just wanted to add. Its all about what you want. Nobody else. Family friends or me. Because I know you mentioned about that. But everyone would support you no matter what.Because it's about your happiness not anyone else's.And yes karma has hit. I didnt pass the raf test gotta go back in 6 months
I sent one more final texting just saying that I have hoped she had a good day that day and that I am thinking of her. I know to not message her and I won't as I do not want to be disrespectful to what she wants.
I guess I'm just a bit lost and upset in what to do. And worried that I will never get the chance to speak to her or be with her again. I know I might bump into her on nights out. The town I live in only has a small. I know to continue with changing myself but I guess with all that's going on. I feel a little jaded and could do with some advice. Whether it be telling me off for messaging or even for what to do next. I just really needed to talk about this. Get it off my chest so I don't hold it in
NC Since 6/7/2014
She does not need to join this website to learn how to "R" with you. She is 19. She should be spending time with her family and friends not cruising the internet reading about infidelity and trying to cobble together this broken relationship.
She told you not to contact her and you still texted her how many more times? 3? 4?
Telling her that failing your exam is karma is pure manipulation on your part. It isn't karma. People fail exams all the time. It was not karma, you just didn't get enough of the questions correct.
It ended with her saying don't speak to her and to only do it when I got the money I said I would give her.
Would this be money you owe her, that she loaned to you?
I think you should leave her alone.
I know that absolut. I sent the link because I thought it would help because she said about all these emotions, there wasn't anything else behind it. I thought because I was finding this helpful she might have aswell. The money is regarding a holiday we went on. And I agreed to pay half of it because of what I had done.
I know I shouldn't have messaged its just because of the talk we had on the phone and that it just seemed to me there were mixed emotions which I guess there would be. And I was still trying to hold. Which was selfish of me, as it was my own personal feelings.
I am going to leave her alone and give NC until I have the money and will arrange something at that time, getting a family member to drop the money. Continue to addresss my past and infidelities to change and become better. And still use this website for help.
Hi Katie. Don't worry this will be the last message I'll send until I have the money.
Since then you have bombarded her with messages. You are not being consistent. If she's asking for space and you promise to leave her alone then do it! At the moment all you're doing is proving you don't mean a word you say and she can't trust anything that comes out your mouth.
Show her! Give her space, let her heal. Focus on you and fixing your shit.
She's 19, she may not want to R with you, it's a big ask of someone so young. Let go of the outcome of your relationship and put your energy into fixing yourself.
[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 6:34 AM, May 23rd (Friday)]
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. We can do this.
Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.
I know why I did it and have also realized a lot about are relationship which I didn't realize when we were together. I dont want a repeat of this. I don't want to hurt people as well as hurting myself.
I guess in the back of my mind I always knew I had these flaws but would push them back as I didn't want to be reminded of the past, but they have affected me and I need to face them head on and deal with them, otherwise I can't heal. I need to be able to talk to someone about it.
Again thank you all for your words. These are thIgs I need to hear as family and friends will almost sugar coat it. While an outsider whose experienced this can give me the advice and kick in the bum I need.
Thank you all
She hasn't even fully matured or grown into the person she needs to be. I would most certainly give her the space she has asked for.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.