Every memorial day for the past 2 years, we would go on a camping, softball tournament. I really enjoyed it and became friends with a few of the girls. I totally disassociated from all his friends, their girlfriends, etc. I want nothing to do with that lifelong obsession of his, not to mention, most of these "friends" knew all of it.
I sit here, looking at the damn weather forecast, and see what a beautiful day this memorial day weekend will be and wonder if he is taking the homewrecking white trash. It's already been plastered over the internet that he would be going (instead of working OT to pay back the tons of people who helped him during this 2 months of being unemployed.) Yes his priorities were always messed up, I bitched and he still continued to do whatever he wanted to do, but I digress.
I know it takes time, but as I sit here and try to train my thought process to say, you have court next week that's why you are thinking of this crap. It's over, you don't want that manster he has turned into, the man you married is long dead and will never ever come back.
I am truly excited about moving out of this daily reminder of what I will be leaving behind, my house that I loved from the minute I saw it, including 2 life furkitties, the pitbull that was my 40th bday present to myself (after my shadow of 16 years was dying..I lost a few life buddies during this false R), due to laws I cannot take her to any rentals, but most of all my kids. By their choice. DS 20 DD 19.
I look at both of them and want to scream don't you know what you are doing to me by not coming with me, they know I am very sad that they aren't coming, they both want to freeload off the X, and mom said she needs help with bills and stuff. You 2 are the best things I have ever created and are all I have to show for my life thus far. Let's all do this together...new beginnings for all of us (my DS just recently broke up with his first true love, has a decent job, been trying to get him to go to school, he won't) (DD is applying for cosmetology classes, this is a huge step...she has done nothing since she graduated). Everyone says, they will wake up and come back to mom...but it's always been us 3 and I won't know how to handle that, a bridge I will be crossing soon.
It's just hard to fathom, that I am losing so much because of his betrayal, it's not fair.
This time thing is a killer, I constantly hear, your future is bright, you can do so much better, blah blah blah. I want my degree now, I want to be able to afford a nice place all for me and my killer chiwwwahhhwwwwahhhaaa, instead of having to be a roommate for a few years, getting storage units and struggle for years.
Everyone tells me how pretty I am, you are a catch, he's such an idiot, how I am not going to have a hard time finding someone...why is this an answer to it all? Find someone else? This the last thing I want, to me...that would be more stress!
Just having a pity party of one on this bright beautiful morning...am I divorced yet???