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Reconciliation :
Polygraphs?

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 PollyA (original poster member #40567) posted at 4:17 AM on Saturday, May 24th, 2014

Any experiences with Polygraphs? Good, bad...indifferent?

My H has agreed to one. I just wonder if it really proves anything...

BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

posts: 468   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2013   ·   location: PollyA
id 6811030
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Jls0320 ( member #41192) posted at 6:55 AM on Saturday, May 24th, 2014

We have one scheduled in the morning, hope I can get some answers, really hope they are good ones :/

Me: BS 2 young kiddos
Him: EXWH, SA/NPD, Craigslist, porn, cam sites. EA/PA with disgusting co-worker troll
Too many DDays 9/13-1/15, too many chances to be a good man
Together 16 yrs, married 7yrs,
Divorced 2/11/15
I deserve to be the ONLY one

posts: 1960   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013
id 6811130
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ifeellikeafool ( member #43507) posted at 8:43 AM on Saturday, May 24th, 2014

Where do you get one and if you don't mind me asking what's the cost?

Me BS 32
My WH 44
Dday march 27,2014
Around 2005 he went to one of those message places off craigslist
2002 few months of M tried with BF she said no so he got BJ from maid of honor

posts: 51   ·   registered: May. 23rd, 2014   ·   location: California
id 6811151
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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 11:43 AM on Saturday, May 24th, 2014

I had FWH take one last year. I had found a cell phone hidden in his truck. He swore he stole it to look at porn. I was almost sure I could believe him based on what was on the phone. But..Hell..he had cheated and I found a hidden cell phone..SO...

I made some calls. I have family members who are in law enforcement and they gave me someone's number.

I asked 4 questions:

Was the story you told about the phone true? (yes)

Are you gay?( The poly administrator wasn't too pleased with this question, but I insisted.) (no)

Other than the one time your wife knows about, have you had any sexual contact of any kind with anyone since November 1997? (no)

Do you want to be in a safe, healthy,loving marriage with confused615? (yes)

He passed.

It was a huge turning point for me.

Although Im still not convinced he isn't going to come home one day and tell me he's gay.

PollyA...I know your story...Iv'e read your posts. Im so sorry.

BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10



..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


posts: 15220   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 6811186
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NeverAgain2013 ( member #38121) posted at 12:14 PM on Saturday, May 24th, 2014

Well Polly, when they agree to take a poly, a lot of them start doing internet searches for "how to pass a polygraph test." Don't be surprised if you find that in his search history.

Secondly, the beauty of a poly is that sometimes it forces the 'parking lot confession.' Yeah, they're all big and confident that they're going to ace this test and blah blah blah, but when the day to take the test comes, quite a few of them suddenly lose all their bravado and start singing like a canary when they know they're about to be wired up to a poly machine and have a test administrator tell you what liars they are. That's pretty intimidating and humiliating (and it should be).

But beware - a lot of them will confess to something minor that you didn't know before, still withholding most of the truth. They panic, throw you a bone before you walk into the poly office, and pray that their little morsel will be enough for you to change your mind about the test and think that you now have the truth. You don't.

Let him confess all he wants as you're backing out of the driveway to drive to the poly office, or as you're walking in the parking lot towards the polygraph office. But DON'T cancel the test just because he throws you a bone.

Remember - for every rat you DO see, there are 50 more that you DON'T.

So don't cancel no matter what little tidbit he throws your way!!!!

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

posts: 6327   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6811204
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Jls0320 ( member #41192) posted at 8:21 PM on Saturday, May 24th, 2014

I googled polygraphs in my area, talked to a few and chose the most affordable one that also worked weekends. We just did it 2hrs ago should get results later today. It was $260 for ours. I got 4 questions but could have done more in increments of 4 for more $.

Me: BS 2 young kiddos
Him: EXWH, SA/NPD, Craigslist, porn, cam sites. EA/PA with disgusting co-worker troll
Too many DDays 9/13-1/15, too many chances to be a good man
Together 16 yrs, married 7yrs,
Divorced 2/11/15
I deserve to be the ONLY one

posts: 1960   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013
id 6811508
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mbbd ( member #41828) posted at 9:52 PM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2014

$550 and it was worth it.

getting a good examiner is key.

wishing you a good turnout.

posts: 89   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2013
id 6815625
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Scubachick ( member #39906) posted at 2:29 AM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014

What happens when one of the polygraph questions you want to ask about is something he says he can't remember? Like I know they met up at least two times but the evidence suggests 4 times. He says he can only remember 1. She says at least twice. I know he's lying but he sticks to "i can't remember"

posts: 1825   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2013
id 6815900
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Jls0320 ( member #41192) posted at 5:10 AM on Thursday, May 29th, 2014

In my experience last weekend, the polygrapher asked him the questions first before hooking him up and one of the control questions WS answered yes but couldn't remember details. Polygrapher told him to answer no since he couldn't remember, he may not allow your question at all if WS says he doesn't remember or have him just answer to the best of his knowledge. We hashed out questions a few days before exam, so you could ask tester

Me: BS 2 young kiddos
Him: EXWH, SA/NPD, Craigslist, porn, cam sites. EA/PA with disgusting co-worker troll
Too many DDays 9/13-1/15, too many chances to be a good man
Together 16 yrs, married 7yrs,
Divorced 2/11/15
I deserve to be the ONLY one

posts: 1960   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013
id 6816045
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