A week later he tells me he is being sent to Texas for a month and of course I was bummed, but understood it was work. He left the 1st of April, and after three days his calls were now down to once or twice a day. When I called him he said he was working so hard at the time he didnít have time to talk. When asking when he would be coming home he would tell me that he didn't know that his boss needed him down there. His family began asking me if I had heard from Tom and I said, no, itís been 6 days. He wasnít answering anyoneís calls or texts.
So, the phone bill came the 1st of May and usually I just toss it in the garbage because I pay the bill online. Well, the bill was unusually fat so I opened it and his call list was huge, like several hundred calls to one number from DeKalb, IL and was showing calls that lasted any where from 6 to 7 hours a day. My stomach wrenched and I began trembling. I went online and looked at the past bills and found the first calls began two days after he left for Oregon. The calls started about 15 minutes in length but continued getting longer and I learned he was calling the AP on the couple of weekends when he was home before going to Texas. The 30th of March he took me to the hospital where I was admitted for pneumonia for four days before he left for Texas. He called is AP and spoke for four hours while I was in the hospital.
Anyway, after learning about all of these calls, I finally called him asking who he was talking to on DeKalb. He said he didn't know anyone there, I said, you must because your calls are running 6 to 7 hours a day. He replied that it was just a friend. I said a OW isn't she, youíre having an EA? He paused and said, yes, but I never slept with her. I asked him to end the relationship and come home, he defiantly said, NO, I am not giving her up and never coming home and he hung up on me. I was so devastated! The next day I called again and asked him to please just drop the OW and come home, he repeated the same thing! I then took the evidence to his parents and showed it to them and told them he was having an EA, you donít spend that many hours a day talking to just a friend!
The next thing I know, all activity on his phone had stopped, I knew he had got himself a new phone. His was in my name, I sent him a text saying I was disconnecting his phone and he never responded and when I called to cancel his phone there was a $280.00 cancellation fee.
The landlord stopped by that day and found me bawling my eyes out. He had been friends with my SO for over twenty years, he called my SO before I cancelled his phone and he told him he was putting the house up for sale and he had thirty days to move, he was so upset. SO called me and exploded, because I opened my big mouth and things were happening way too fast. No one has heard from him for three weeks!
Last Friday he finally called his parents and told them he would be home next week sometime and will move my stuff into storage unit and to tell me to start packing; he refused to give them his phone number. I have no idea when he will be home or when the move will happen, he has completely cut off all communication with me.
I donít understand how a four month EA trumps a 14 year relationship. A year and a half ago we moved to WA, he went in to a deep depression and I contacted his family and they brought him home got him on antidepressants and after a year he wanted me to return to MN because he loved me so much and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, so I moved back here a year and a half ago. Now this happens. I am on SSD and have the phone and cable and other bills in my name, medical expenses and I canít even afford an apt so I am moving in to my older motor home that canít be driven because it needs so much work which he was supposed to do and never did, and I canít live in it here during the winter months. I am so screwed and I feel so lost and confused, he is supposed to be returning next week and I donít know how to handle the situation when he returns, I donít know how to handle seeing him and having to work with him moving. He plans to live in his truck. I understand the relationship is over and I feel so used, hurt, confused and angry. Donít know what happened!
Right now, you just have to take care of yourself and remember to breathe, eat if you can (if you can't try Ensure or something similar), try to sleep when you can, and get to a Dr. as soon as you can. I know you said you can't afford it, but there are lots of organizations set up to help with that type of thing, so check with your local churches and care centers to see if you can get that appointment covered.
I'm going to post some links for you to read. Just copy and paste them into your the address bar of your browser or in a new tab, if you have that feature:
Keep posting here and we'll help you through this.
Sending you strength.
As to your motorhome. How about having it towed to an RV place and use your joint credit card to have it completely fixed up? That's your money too, and if he is the reason that you're losing your home, then he can just suck it up and pay for it. Frankly, I think that your landlord ought to be kicked in the ass for putting you in the situation of losing your home. That's not really a helpful way to show "support," and you might consider approaching him and asking him if he really wants to make you homeless. If it's a matter of getting the two of you officially out, so that he doesn't have your WH under his roof, then it seems that he could re-rent to you after that was done.
Can you perhaps call a domestic abuse hotline this weekend, tell them your situation, tell them that you need to see a lawyer for advice ASAP, and see if they can give you some low-cost referrals? I think that you're going to need to get some legal advice and hopefully, before your WH comes home.
Meanwhile, please look in the upper left corner, in the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Start reading. Also, look on the first 3 pages of this forum and read the first page of any post that has a red "target" next to it. This is all good advice that you're going to need. Knowledge is power. Keep coming back for support and to vent. It's a holiday weekend, so it might be a bit slow, but we are all here for you!
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Just know that you didn't do anything wrong - Your WBF's actions are a reflection on himself, not you.
I know it's hard, but please take care of yourself! Make sure you eat and get plenty of sleep! Utilize the tools in the healing library, and post often! We are all here for you!
I don't think anyone mentioned it yet...but I would definitely go and get an STD test. Liars lie, that's what they do. You cannot just take his word that he was not physical with the OW (or anyone else for that matter) Especially because he was gone for so long and you have no clue what he was actually doing.
Do what you have to do to protect yourself. Do not feel ashamed, he is the one who has something to be ashamed of. And getting an STD test is something we have all had to do, unfortunately.
sending you hugs and strength today!
Together 9 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
Unfortunately, we aren't married so there is nothing I can do legally. He has no credits cards, so that's no use. WSO has wiped me out of all savings so I can't even afford to have the motorhome fixed, damned part of it is, he knows how to fix it!
After paying my few bills, storage unit, car insurance and prescriptions I have a little over $600.00 a month for rent , groceries, gas and will need to get insurance on the motorhome while living in it.
My credit is ruined so if I do find a place to live, once they check that...forget it. Talk about stupidiy! Argh!
But, WSO now has a great paying job, plans to live in his brand new 2015 truck from his work, with all the emenities and his money is all his own. I can't believe I let this happen at my age. My family, his family are all shocked and devastated! Here I am packing like a fool for what I need in the motorhome, storage and for a garage sale to try to raise some money!
How can a man do something like this in a matter of four months? Obviously, when WSO didn't have a pot to piss in for 10 years, then I was great. Now that WSO has been doing it for 18 months, he's tired of it and found an EA with OW. I hope OW just relishes the prize she think she just won. I would love to wrap him in a big bow and hand deliver him to her. The OW is his next victim and I hope they both rot in hell.
He is alienating his family and friends and it makes me wonder if he even cares about the pain he has inflicted on so many people? I sincerely doubt it!
I will get checked for STD's even though it has been quite a while since any activity as we haven't seen each other much since January 17th, but who knows how long this kind of behavior has been going on!
Thanks for the input and suggestions, I sincerely appreciate your support!
After so long together you might have some monetary avenues to follow.
There's a much better life out there for you.