My 14 year SO is a truck driver and he is gone Monday thru Friday and home on the weekends. I went on vacation to see my kids for three weeks and came home on Valentine's Day late at night. We spent several hours chatting before going to bed. He had to leave the next morning for Oregon, he asked me to ride with him but I said no because I was just recovering from the flu. He left; we talked on the phone as usual, several times a day. On his return trip his calls were lessening and when I would call him he would talk for a few minutes and say traffic was bad and had to let me go. His ETA home had been changed as he then had to go out east.
Once he finally returned two and a half weeks later he was distant and would leave for several hours. We would make a date night plan but as the time approached he didn’t come home or respond to my texts and would come home around 10:30 drunk and very defensive and said, ok, lets go out now...I refused saying it was too late and he was drunk.
A week later he tells me he is being sent to Texas for a month and of course I was bummed, but understood it was work. He left the 1st of April, and after three days his calls were now down to once or twice a day. When I called him he said he was working so hard at the time he didn’t have time to talk. When asking when he would be coming home he would tell me that he didn't know that his boss needed him down there. His family began asking me if I had heard from Tom and I said, no, it’s been 6 days. He wasn’t answering anyone’s calls or texts.
So, the phone bill came the 1st of May and usually I just toss it in the garbage because I pay the bill online. Well, the bill was unusually fat so I opened it and his call list was huge, like several hundred calls to one number from DeKalb, IL and was showing calls that lasted any where from 6 to 7 hours a day. My stomach wrenched and I began trembling. I went online and looked at the past bills and found the first calls began two days after he left for Oregon. The calls started about 15 minutes in length but continued getting longer and I learned he was calling the AP on the couple of weekends when he was home before going to Texas. The 30th of March he took me to the hospital where I was admitted for pneumonia for four days before he left for Texas. He called is AP and spoke for four hours while I was in the hospital.
Anyway, after learning about all of these calls, I finally called him asking who he was talking to on DeKalb. He said he didn't know anyone there, I said, you must because your calls are running 6 to 7 hours a day. He replied that it was just a friend. I said a OW isn't she, you’re having an EA? He paused and said, yes, but I never slept with her. I asked him to end the relationship and come home, he defiantly said, NO, I am not giving her up and never coming home and he hung up on me. I was so devastated! The next day I called again and asked him to please just drop the OW and come home, he repeated the same thing! I then took the evidence to his parents and showed it to them and told them he was having an EA, you don’t spend that many hours a day talking to just a friend!
The next thing I know, all activity on his phone had stopped, I knew he had got himself a new phone. His was in my name, I sent him a text saying I was disconnecting his phone and he never responded and when I called to cancel his phone there was a $280.00 cancellation fee.
The landlord stopped by that day and found me bawling my eyes out. He had been friends with my SO for over twenty years, he called my SO before I cancelled his phone and he told him he was putting the house up for sale and he had thirty days to move, he was so upset. SO called me and exploded, because I opened my big mouth and things were happening way too fast. No one has heard from him for three weeks!
Last Friday he finally called his parents and told them he would be home next week sometime and will move my stuff into storage unit and to tell me to start packing; he refused to give them his phone number. I have no idea when he will be home or when the move will happen, he has completely cut off all communication with me.
I don’t understand how a four month EA trumps a 14 year relationship. A year and a half ago we moved to WA, he went in to a deep depression and I contacted his family and they brought him home got him on antidepressants and after a year he wanted me to return to MN because he loved me so much and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, so I moved back here a year and a half ago. Now this happens. I am on SSD and have the phone and cable and other bills in my name, medical expenses and I can’t even afford an apt so I am moving in to my older motor home that can’t be driven because it needs so much work which he was supposed to do and never did, and I can’t live in it here during the winter months. I am so screwed and I feel so lost and confused, he is supposed to be returning next week and I don’t know how to handle the situation when he returns, I don’t know how to handle seeing him and having to work with him moving. He plans to live in his truck. I understand the relationship is over and I feel so used, hurt, confused and angry. Don’t know what happened!
