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I am 7 months pregnant!!

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PregnantAgain posted 5/23/2014 23:56 PM

I have been married to my husband for 5 years and we have an almost 3 year old son together. I am pregnant again and due to have a c-section in 7 weeks. A month ago things started going downhill fast. He is a mechanic and a new receptionist started working at the shop. One Saturday, he told me he was going to be home really late and to not wait up because he had a car to work on. I decided I hadn't seen him very much all week and I would surprise him with a visit from our son and some dinner. I show up and he and the receptionist are the only ones there. She is "helping" him work on a car and laughing and having a good time. She sounded surprised when she saw I was pregnant. Guess it wasn't important that he tell her. He hurries us off and then comes home after 11pm. Following Saturday, there is a company picnic. He is there with her drinking until 2am. Next day, he breaks the news to me that he doesn't love me any more and is miserable etc. He said he hasn't loved me in years and can't take it anymore. This completely blindsided me!!! We were the type of couple to tell each other "I love you" at least 5 times a day and I genuinely thought he loved me!! I wouldn't have had another son with him! After he tells me this, he is gone every night of the week until past my son's bedtime and a few nights he wouldn't come home at all. He has been with her for every one of those. I am so devastated!! He never came to my maternity appts because he "didn't have time". Yet he found time to drive this new girl all the way to Maryland last Saturday and not come home?? He hasn't put together my crib, mowed the lawn etc. He is acting so cold and heartless about it. Like the last 6 years meant nothing to him. He claims he isn't having an affair and that she "is just one of the guys". I don't believe it. :( He wants to stay in this house until he can afford to leave but I can't decide if I am angry, hurt, hate him, or love him. Please help...

StillLivin posted 5/24/2014 00:07 AM

I'm sorry. How awful and especially while you are carrying his unborn child.
Right now you HAVE to concentrate on you and the baby. It is going to be so hard because of the situation.
Get a lawyer and find out your rights, and separate half the money into an account in just your name.
Suspend all credit cards.
For your own peace of mind, you may need to kick him out. He is totally toxic and could cause you to lose this child right now.
Eat, sleep, and drink lots of fluids. If you can't eat whole meals, find out from your doctor what healthy shake drinks you can take so you can keep up your nutrition for the baby.
READ the Healing Library, especially the 180.
Do you have any close friends or family that can stay with you or can come by regularly to check on you. You are going to need a strong support group.
Post here as often as you need to. Someone is always on this site.
Do not cry or beg him. YOU did nothing wrong. He needs to be pulling his head out of his ass.
I cannot stress enough to do the 180 and to rely heavily on family and friends for support right now.
He may come out of his self-induced crazy fog, but he won't if you allow him to cake eat.

StillLivin posted 5/24/2014 00:09 AM

Here, read this first!

BreatheAgain10 posted 5/24/2014 00:36 AM

OMGOSH!! You poor dear! I'm so effing pissed for you and your innocent little babies! I'm currently pregnant and I sooo know how much stress and the already crazy hormones can make something devastating like this even worse.

He is cheating... The signs are all there. Sadly, we see the same behaviors in most WS's that we read about here at And he sounds like a fucking selfish asshole! Sorry, but since my DDays, I now curse so much more
I've always felt that if I believed in hell, there should be a place just for cheaters that cheat on pregnant women and sick/dying spouses!
Oh please try to take care of yourself for your babies. I know it's hard but reach out to friends family and even us for support.

[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 12:37 AM, May 24th (Saturday)]

justinpaintoday posted 5/24/2014 05:30 AM

Pregnant: I too am concenred about your support network. Do you have one? This will be critical not just for your baby and son but for you in the short/long term.

What you are going through is devastating. The selfish acts of the WS are horrifying but all too common. Youa are like the 10th pregnant BS I've read about the past couple months. Apparently when a woman honors you with the precious gift of having your baby, this is the ideal time to become a jerk.

Keep posting here. We will support you the best we can. Hug your son and take care of your baby and yourself.

Skan posted 5/24/2014 09:47 AM

Hey there. I'm glad that you found us for support. I'm so sorry that you have the reason to come find us. Being that this is a holiday weekend, it may be a bit slow here, but please, keep posting, keep reading, and keep reaching out.

As to the reading. Take a look at the upper left corner, at the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Start reading. Also, go back through the first 3 pages of this forum and any time you see a post with a red "target" next to it, click on it, and read the first page. This is all information for you that will be very helpful. Especially read the link you were given above in the FAQs about the 180. Start practicing it. You need to detach from your WH and start concentrating on you, your unborn child, and your son. Take this weekend to truly figure out what you will and will not stand for. Right now, you are being treated, not as a wife, but as the household drudge Plan B, who is there to keep HIS life going while ho goes out and screws his whore. That's not what your vows said and you Do Not Have to stand for it.

I would urge you to start researching lawyers in your area and on Tuesday, make a couple of appointments to find out exactly what you can expect from a legal separation or divorce. Your WH should have only two choices. 1) Utter commitment to you and the marriage, which means doing anything and everything that YOU need, to start healing, or 2) being divorced, which means you filing for child support, spousal support, custody, and everything else you can think of. Don't allow him to weasel or give you the I Don't Knows, etc. There are only two choices you are married or you are not. So start educating yourself legally.

But please, take this weekend and be very kind to yourself. Tomorrow will certainly come in it's own good time. Right now, this very instant, you need to take care of yourself, so that you can take care of your babies, born and unborn. (((hugs)))

mchercheur posted 5/24/2014 10:23 AM

Welcome to SI (((PregnantAgain))). I am so sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us BSs, but you will find a lot of help, comfort, support , & information here. We have all been thru what you are going thru & know exactly how you feel.

It takes a special kind of evil for someone to do this to their pregnant spouse.

Sending you strength.

4everfaithful83 posted 5/24/2014 16:19 PM

So sorry you are here pregnantagain - You have found the most awesome place though! SI is a wonderful place and you will find great support here!

I totally agree with Skan - Find yourself a lawyer

Give your WH exactly what he "thinks" he wants. More times than not, their bubble eventually bursts and they realize that it's not everything its cracked up to be. All relationships take work.

The grass is not always greener, its greener where you water it!!

You can't "nice" your WH back into the relationship. Do yourself a favor and learn from mine (and others) mistakes! Don't even try it. Now is the time for you to take control of your life. Start the 180 immediately. The 180 is for you. You need to be OK, with or without your WH.

You are not alone, we are here for you.

isadora posted 5/24/2014 20:50 PM

I was 5 weeks away from my due date when I had dday 1. He wanted her, then he didn't, then he left to be with her and changed his mind. I wish I would have given him what he wanted and not tried to negotiate
with him. Would have saved me months of grief. I know you are scared. You are stronger than you think. Seeing a lawyer is a good first step.

Knowledge is power. Take care of you and your little one. I know its hard. Hang in there.

[This message edited by isadora at 8:51 PM, May 24th (Saturday)]

dmari posted 5/24/2014 23:23 PM

(((((PregnantAgain))))) His "excuse" is so typical and we see at all the time here on the boards. Right now, you HAVE to focus on yourself. Like everyone has said, see an attorney asap. See your doctor. Get tested for STD's. Someone here was also pregnant with a cheating spouse and unknowingly had an STD and passed it on to the child. I am so sorry your are here but glad you found us. Do you have IRL support?

ifeellikeafool posted 5/25/2014 01:50 AM

That is so terrible of him. I am at a loss for words and that never happens my heart bleeds for you.your situation is worse then mine but I know what you mean about being shocked because your relationship was loving mine was like that too people used to say we were joined at the hip because we were always together. It's very painful and you being pregnant I can't even imagine. My husband tells me he loves me and begs me not to leave him but I don't know if it's out of fear at being alone or he loves me and I used to be so comfortable with him it's terrible. I really feel for you but you have to stay strong for your baby but I feel for you. Also if you do divorce I would get child support even if you don't need it cause he's a jerk or maybe even alimony who know but I feel for you and I hope things look up for you.

betrayedpregnant posted 5/25/2014 03:48 AM

Hi honey, you are not alone. Our stories are identical. My husband left me 6.5 mos pregnant (plAnned). That's after daily affirmations that he loves me till he dies, he's so lucky I want to have his baby etc... Then 5 wks later I found out he is already living with his buck tooth girlfriend and has asked our 9 yr old daughter to cover it up for him. I trusted him! I got tested and was positive for an std and had to take meds to avoid passing it to baby. I was so stressed my baby had slowed in growth and I have to be on bed rest . He never went to any dr appt for baby either. 2days after the baby was born, the best he could do was text me " so does my son have a name yet?" And now the scumbag n I r divorcing and he wants 50/50 custody of my daughter and the baby!!!! All because he'll pay too much 4 child support. I know the emotional and physical pain and hysteria you are going through, and I'm praying 4 u n baby. I'm seeing a therapist. I didn't sleep for days could not eat. I curse your cruel husband. I will check up on you again some time.

Ashland13 posted 5/25/2014 18:39 PM

I am really, really sorry, though it is only words to offer.

I have an 8th month old tiny little son I am raising on my own after catching my x with another woman in another state, living at her house. I will spare the details, it is a long story.

If there is any support from afar that I can offer, I would be glad to. This is a very lonely way to walk the earth but you can do it.

We can do it. I have another friend from college who is in the same situation with a 9 month old little son and she too has another almost grown child.

I am so sorry for all the feelings you are going through. If you care to reach me I am here and you can also private message me if you like.

I was married for 20 years and knew the man for 4 prior to that, was stay at home mom and all, so I am out on my ear with two kids, my clothes, car ow didn't want and nothing else.

One thing that does offer me great comfort is my children themselves. I'm not super religious, but for me, this new baby is kind of like an angel, a last gift that I don't really know why he came, but he is here. Oh, I know the science of it, but not the spiritual part except that maybe he was sent to save me from being totally alone in my hour of need.

So you see, you are not really alone either, though lonely, because you have the spirit inside waiting to meet you, very soon.

doggiediva posted 5/25/2014 23:21 PM

Unless your WH is decent enough to leave if/when you kick him out, you may need lawyer and a judgement to get him to leave..

Protect yourself legally, and financially..Doing these two things will give you more time and space to deal with your emotions without risking your ability to meet your physical needs...

betrayedpregnant posted 7/2/2014 07:36 AM

Hi, havent heard from you, pregnant again, is your new love born yet?

doggiediva posted 7/2/2014 10:00 AM

Checking in and praying that you and the little ones are doing okay..

Landoes posted 7/2/2014 16:17 PM

Don't have any good advice, but I found out when my ws was almost 7 months pregnant. It's a tough situation, only thing I can say is investigate, find concrete proof, but careful because you cannot unlearn images, texts etc.
I'm a little over a year from dday and I can say with certainty that it does get much better with time

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