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nutmegkitty posted 5/24/2014 16:40 PM

I've been dating this guy since February . We have seen each other every other weekend. Calls 3 to 4 times a week, texts too. On Tuesday of this week we made plans for tonight. We talked last night and decided we would wwait to see what the weather was like before we decided what to do today.

Today he called me during yoga and asked me to call him back. I did, left a message. He called me at 2 and said " I don't want to see you tonight. This every other weekend thing is just not what I'm looking for right now. Plus I have met someone else. " WTF.?????

OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. We talked LAST NIGHT and were on for tonight. There were NO red flags. I just don't get it. He was a stable guy, called when he said he would, etc etc etc.

I can't hep but feeling that I am just not that special. Why would he all of a sudden do this? Someone more interesting came along. That's why.

Ugh. I've cried a lot and now am going to get some wine. I think I am sort of in shock, this being so sudden. I was totally blindsided. This sucks :(

nowiknow23 posted 5/24/2014 16:45 PM

That totally sucks. Strike that - HE totally sucks. Who does that???

I'm going to tell you what you already know, nutmeg - his actions say NOTHING about you. You are special. His being blind to that is his problem, not yours.

I'm so very sorry you're hurting. (((((nutmeg)))))

Williesmom posted 5/24/2014 16:47 PM

What the hell??

Sounds like someone that can't be alone with his thoughts.

You're better than that. Hang in there.

tryingagain74 posted 5/24/2014 16:49 PM

What a jerk!

I think you dodged a bullet. What a needy thing to say and what a cowardly way to treat you.

I'm sorry that he hurt you, but I'm glad that you hadn't invested years in the guy before he showed his true colors.

(((nutmegkitty)))

phmh posted 5/24/2014 16:55 PM

(((NMK)))

persevere posted 5/24/2014 17:02 PM

What a jerk. I'm so sorry lady, you deserve much better. ((nutmeg))

tesla posted 5/24/2014 18:04 PM

Holy shit.
What an asshole!
FTG
((((nutmeg))))

finallymefirst posted 5/24/2014 18:58 PM

Wow.... sorry((((Nutmegkitty))).... I give up, I'm tired of trying to understand people.

SBB posted 5/24/2014 19:45 PM

Ugh. How horrible. I don't understand why people don't just say what they want instead of hedging their bets.

This isn't about you, friend. You can't see it now but you don't want to be with a guy like this. Someone who presents one going then does another. Someone who still shops around. It is straight up fraud.

We aren't fucking mind readers and no matter how good our pickers get we can't ever be completely immune to the fuckery of a treacherous snake like this.

Chrysalis123 posted 5/24/2014 20:26 PM

He was a stable guy

He pretended to be a stable guy. Underneath he is a selfish jerk.....

You dodged a huge bullet.

I know it hurts...this has nothing to do with you. It is him and his poor character.

PurpleRose posted 5/24/2014 21:14 PM

You are special, he just couldn't handle it. This is NOT about you. It's about him.

I know it is painful, but you will be ok. I also think he was good at hiding the flags, as most people do in the beginning.

5454real posted 5/24/2014 22:23 PM

Plus I have met someone else.

Nuff said.

I agree, you dodged a bullet. When there were problems, he didn't communicate? Sound familiar?

You deserve better.

You are the PRIZE!!!

Never, ever forget that. Please. Don't settle.

Strength

cayc posted 5/24/2014 22:25 PM

((((nutmegkitty)))

absolut posted 5/24/2014 23:59 PM

I'm sorry.
Please don't drink tooo much.
Did you two meet online? Were you doing EOW because of kids?

Guinness23 posted 5/25/2014 08:56 AM

I can't hep but feeling that I am just not that special.

DON'T.

What an asshole. There are WAY TOO many of these pricks out there. This is why my BFF and SO is my 19lb Lhasa Apso dog. People SUCK.

fireproof posted 5/25/2014 09:20 AM

It doesn't say ANYTHING about you.

This may or may not help but we were all hurt deeply after you are disappointed and you persevere do we really want to end up with someone who isn't a match and go through all this again .

This is not about you but how you felt was genuine the person that fits you will be out there.

You deserve and want better. Focus on the positive feelings of knowing those feelings existed again and don't make what he did or didn't do about you. It isn't.

As much as it sucks he was upfront. It could have been far worse. You want someone who is compatible with you.

Sending a hug!

getnbtr1 posted 5/25/2014 10:28 AM

So sorry you got hurt and blindsided. I also got dumped recently after 7 months. Very painful when you *thought* you knew someone and *thought* you were having an experience, but you were being duped in some way. I know the reality that you are being spared a person who lacks character is no real comfort right now since you cared about him and had hopes for the relationship....but you know you deserve someone who is capable of committing and treating you well, even if you have to get hurt to find it.

nutmegkitty posted 5/25/2014 10:30 AM

I ccannot tell you how much I appreciate your responses. I felt so alone and lonely last night, it was nearly unbearable. I had some dark thoughts. :(

I only had one glass of wine. Didn't even taste good so I din't have any more. Yes, we met through OLD. And yes, the EOW was because of my kid schedule. He never seemed to have an issue before...he is also really busy. Golfs Friday and Sunday, plays softball a couple times during the week, and goes to his son's hockey games all the times - so it's not like he has a shit ton of extra time. I guess if he couldn't stand being free every other Saturday night, well....I dunno what to say about that. I guess our "relationship" wasn't all I thought it was. How naive of me. I guess I don't know what a real relationship is supposed to be at all.

Still feeling in shock today. I can't seem to shake that "WTF just happened, whiplash" feeling. I suppose the only cure is time. Bleh. It feels like all I have is time, time that I wish I ahd someone to spend it with.

You guys are the best. I mean it. Thanks.

FaithFool posted 5/25/2014 10:37 AM

Nice that he picked a long weekend to pull the rug out from under you...

(((NMK)))

mixedemotions posted 5/25/2014 17:54 PM

Oh no Nutmeg! I'm so with you in spirit because something semi-similar happened to me lately in that it was about the same length relationship and was also out of nowhere. One day I was getting kisses and sweet conversations, then all of a sudden I got broken up with. Bam! In a different relationship we were on the phone making plans for the week and for a trip later on, he said he needed to call me back, then later that night broke up with me. Bam again! It really, really hurt and in trying to get though the pain these are the things I either learned or realized:

1. While my feelings for him were legitimate and he had some good traits, this new trait he showed of being flaky, cold, etc. is not one that screams "long term happy, healthy relationship" and I deserve better. I think I learned this on SI, that people don't act out of character, they just sometimes act differently than our expectations of them. I was stuck on how this "wasn't like him" and was still idealizing how he was. Recognizing that this side was part of who is is really helped me let go because I don't want or deserve someone who is like that.

2. The pain is a lot more about having to be single again and having my ego bruised than about losing him (this one might be different for you - but it helped for me because I realized I would find what I was looking for and he is not it). That does suck. A lot. But it got better and is still getting better. I still hate being single and I still feel rejected, but once I was ready, I started dating again and I'm having fun. We got through divorces and were able to love again. We can get through break ups too.

3. Because I feel better when I can intellectualize/understand things, I did some research about heartache. I learned that heartache is a combo of stress hormones surging through your heart, similar to a low level heart attack, and your brain going through withdrawal from the pleasure you experienced while dating. Your brain thinks that was a source of pleasure and is stressing out because it wants more and thinks it won't have it again. So it's basically like you're having a very tiny heart attack plus withdrawing from the love drug. No wonder it hurts! Once I understood that, the pain didn't go away but I felt like I had better control over it, like I was more powerful than it and I felt better knowing that it was temporary since eventually the withdrawal would stop and the hormones would chill out.

Dating him felt good. Dating the right person will feel even better and won't end up in heartache. You deserve the right person and unfortunately this man isn't the one. I know you feel anything but lucky right now, but thank goodness he showed you this side before you were even more involved. Can you imagine the same situation after 6 months? Ouuuuuuch. For now, nurse yourself back to joy and know that it will absolutely get better. One day this will be a faint memory, and that day could likely be soon! Big hugs, I'm so sorry he sucks!