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Newest Member: Thoreau79 (61121)

User Topic: It was 1 year ago
♂ 39847
Member # 39847
Wink  Posted: 10:41 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's was one year ago that I found out the truth about my marriage. I was generally happy in the marriage, but her behaviour had changed slightly in the past few months and I was suspicious of something. She was drinking much more, and staying till the early morning hours at parties of new friends. Friends who were not of the marriage. I had asked her repeatedly what was wrong, why things were off - but the response was that nothing was wrong. I had begun to seriously think maybe I was going a little crazy. Surely she would tell me if something, ANYTHING, wasn't right. So I started snooping, casually checking her email and phone. The phone had become a locked fortress, but her email, facebook, bank accounts and everything else was still out in the open. I checked everything while she slept (including her phone)... not a damn thing out of the ordinary.

I was convinced I had gone nuts and I felt shame for snooping.

A week or so went by and I woke up late at night -this night 1 year ago. After doing a few things, there was her carefully guarded phone - sitting out in the open again. I told myself I was nuts and to go back to bed. I was halfway back to the bedroom when I turned around and went back to her phone. Sitting in the dark I scanned it for anything unusual. Personal email, work email, txt messages... all normal. Damn, the shame felt even worse this time. But, just before putting her phone back I accidently clicked on her personal inbox picker and to my surprise another hidden email account was on her phone. It was littered with hundreds of emails of their affair, right down to the times, places, and sexual positions they had been doing.
Now I'm sitting in the dark trying to catch my breath and hold back the tears enough to capture the evidence. It was surreal and like a kick to the face.

I woke her up from a cold sleep and confronted her - long story short, she turned her back on me and never looked back. 8 months later I found myself divorced.

A year feels like both a long time and a short time. In a year I got divorced, sold my house, and bought a new house. I've done a great job of getting my life back on track, one day at a time. Other than kids, I want nothing to do with her ever again. Part of me feels like it's been a long year - lots of change, lots of new beginnings, and lots of distance and disconnect from the ex. But there is also part of me that is like 'Wow, only a year!... A year ago you thought you were in a happy marriage." It's one of those mental puzzles where time feels distorted because of the amount of emotion and life events crammed all in. What's even more weird is that something was bugging me today. It wasn't till I checked a calendar that I put 2 and 2 together and realized the significance of the date - it's weird how our biological clock / subconscious remembers this stuff.

BS: Me (30s)
Status: Divorced Jan 2014.
DDay: May 2013

Posts: 69 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: RavenWood
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a heart-breaking story, friend. I know what you mean about the guilt over snooping. I felt it too. They used that to their advantage.

The "year of firsts" is hard, but you sound strong!

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3574 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ 40209
Member # 40209
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a year ago for me as well. I braced myself for a rough day, a lot of memories of that day. Still shaking my head.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CA
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad that you were able to pick yourself up and do what was best for you! And that you're in a good place now. Your story is a prime example of the new life that a BS can have, if they have the courage to seek out THEIR path, when a un-remorseful WS shows them their true nature.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 39885
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just thinking about that the other day. My D will be final two days before DDay anniversary. In that time I've sold the house, will move 700 miles away, start a new job, totally start new. It's amazing how quickly and completely my life will change in 12 short months. Like you, I've worked my ass off to make sure the changes are positive and permanent. I'm looking forward to starting over.

Here's to us!

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 799 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm biased toward R, but D sounds like the right outcome for you. I'm glad you got out of such a bad situation.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16563 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 41761
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Ravenwood! Your story is heartbreaking, but just like Skan said - your story is a prime example of all that can be accomplished in just a year! In the beginning after DDAY, its really easy to get lost...we all do it. But eventually you have to pick yourself up and realize life goes you R or not.

Good for you!!

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 33
WBF: 30
Together 10 years
1 doggie, 1 Cat
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...Working at it every day.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 7

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