Crazy is a really good word for it.
I don't want to be mean because you still care, but she sounds like Perv, who's a real coward. He did the same thing your W is doing, I think I said. Later, like a year or so, one of his family members told me he told them, "he couldn't face me."
For me, not hearing from him was about the hardest part. It leaves a void like a hole that appears to have nothing to plug it in. The first thing I did was look around my surroundings and tell myself, "I'm ok. I really am. I'm alone. He's not here and I'm still ok." And I told myself that more and more often when I was very down.
I just reread some of your first post and wanted to attempt an answer because I remember. The pain. It was like no other emotion on this earth, indescribable at times. I could not wait for childbirth, at one point, so that I would have a distraction from the emotional pain.
I cannot say when you will stop missing her, but it happened for me as a process that came in stages. What helped was to continue telling myself that he is not the same person I married. Even though we lived under the same roof, he was living an entirely different life than I. I was the only one living the dream of the marriage and finishing the house. He had long moved on but couldn't leave til he found someone to live with and share expenses. I became just a situation and his equity.
This idea amazed me because we had a very open floor plan and he was home most every night, until the calls came he was staying later and later at a job that didn't pay overtime?
I am sorry for your pain. For me, it began to stop in stages, also, kind of like the ebb and flow of ocean waves. I learned to appeal to my senses because I couldn't seem to reach my own mind and I learned small meditation skills when it was at it's peak. Not "ommm" or anything but counting and breathing, sense of smell, or things I did with hot and cold type ideas.
I, too, lost a house and had to learn how to live in an apartment. Now, I'm learning that it's ok because it can't be taken away by him or her. They've stolen all they can from me. All I have is the clothes on my back, my kids and piano.
It helped to stop looking at pictures...deleting my facebook, not looking at his twitter or myspace or whatever pages...you can even search and find where a person's cell phone is and when I stopped this cyber nonsense, I felt better over time.
In time you will be able to move on, though everyone's journey of healing is a different one. It also helps me to think of life now as a day's time-not the past, not the future, but what does today need? What do I need to do today? This helped intensely and brought me back to basic living, where I do not worry so much if I will always be alone, because "always" has not happened yet. Only the part of today gone by has.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 10:33 PM, May 25th (Sunday)]
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.