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Jls0320 posted 5/25/2014 15:45 PM

All 4 questions
He still is swearing on his life he never had physical sex with anyone, I don't know wtf to believe. I thought one question he might fail, but all of them?!! I'm so confused, he's pissed and wants to be retest, says no way in hell did he ever have sex outside our marriage. Questions were:

1. Did u ever have sexual contact (fondling, oral, anal) with EA?
2. Did you ever meet up with EA partner outside of work?
3. Have you ever have sexual contact with any other woman besides wife or EA partner
4. Does wife know about all online sexual activity?

Jrazz posted 5/25/2014 15:49 PM

Believe the polygraph. It's science. He can say whatever words he wants, he's still lying. Protect yourself. I'm so sorry.

(((Jls0320)))

Raspberry posted 5/25/2014 15:51 PM

This is my biggest fear when I take him for his. :(

I'm so sorry. I'd be devastated.

GabyBaby posted 5/25/2014 15:56 PM

Gently, you're not confused, but instead you don't want (or aren't ready) to believe that your WH is still telling you lies.

Believe the polygraph. It's science. He can say whatever words he wants, he's still lying. Protect yourself. I'm so sorry.

((( Jls0320 )))

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 3:56 PM, May 25th (Sunday)]

phoenix2015 posted 5/25/2014 15:56 PM

I am so sorry JL, I can only imagine the internal struggle you are experiencing. We so want to still believe everything our WS tells us even though they managed to shatter our lives with their lies and betrayals. It would be so much easier if we did not love them.
The infidelity was beyond comprehension, but finding out your spouse is also a SA is just another kick in the gut. This is going to be a very long journey.
Sending prayers your way

adriana1980 posted 5/25/2014 16:07 PM

I'm deeply surprised that question #4 was actually allowed. This isn't a "polygraph" type of question.

Jls0320 posted 5/25/2014 16:22 PM

Still denying. Even wants me to call EA partner to clarify, yeah like she'd be honest lol.

angerisme posted 5/25/2014 16:23 PM

I am so sorry sweetie. I wish we had a magical potion to make it all go away. The closest thing I've got is this: GET MAD!

REEEEALLY REEEALLY REEEEEEEEALLY MAD!

Then ask yourself this one simple question:

What kind of narcissist, sociopathic creep fails a polygraph then jumps up and down in indignation demanding that he take another one?

The test is accurate. My guess is the guy has been a lying, cheating, manipulating pig for a very long time. Each time they lie or wiggle out of a close situatoin they grow more empowered in the belief they can make anyone believe anything. If he honestly believes he can convince you that a lie detector test is wrong because he is such a true and honest guy...then I would say he has been rewarded very often in the past with his ability to cover his ass

WARNING: A guy like this may resort to violence or bullying when his emotion fails to move you. Is there somewhere you can go stay for a week to get over the shock and gain some perspective?

This is real life now. There is no going back. I spent many years trying to find evidence tthat I was wrong about my asshat clown. Sadly all I found was evidence that I was right all along.

Once I finally allowed the truth to sink in...that my perfect husband was in reality a fake, a phoney...a joke who made me live the majority of my life as a lie...I got strong.

The anger helped me so much. It halped me do things that I had been too weak tto do in the past. You can not stick your head back into a hole because it could mean you getting infected with HIV or gonorrhea. You should be tested immediately. Try not to have any contact with him for a little while. This will all sink in then you can dust yourself off and start the long climb back up. You can do it. You WILL do it. WE will help you.

Tearsoflove posted 5/25/2014 16:24 PM

Did the examiner use control questions to be sure that he could give an answer that would show a truthful response? An example would be "Is your name (WS name)?" The answer shows how your husband responds when answering honestly.

And did the examiner also ask some questions that would induce a deliberate lie to measure your husband's truthful vs. deceptive responses against? An example would be the examiner telling your husband to answer yes to a question asking if he is wearing a red shirt when he is clearly wearing a blue shirt. This gives the examiner a baseline for how deceptive answers look.

It is critical that the examiner asks control questions to measure against. If the examiner followed protocol for using control questions, then I would have to believe your husband is lying.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 4:25 PM, May 25th (Sunday)]

Jls0320 posted 5/25/2014 16:28 PM

Yes, he had 8 baseline questions to weed out the nervousness, then the 4 serious ones. I'm so beyond numb right now I'm can't even be mad

Gr8Lady posted 5/25/2014 16:43 PM

You are in classic shock. It is the bodies defense mechanism
As some one much older than you, I have heard excuses for many years. I didn't want to believe it happened, neither do you

It happened. trust this it happened. As hard as it is to fathom it happened.

Keep telling yourself. It happened

When someone shows you who they are, believe them

rachelc posted 5/25/2014 17:11 PM

Honey I think you should leave for a while, get your ducks in a row, let him experience life without you for a while.
Can you do this?

Melian40 posted 5/25/2014 19:11 PM

Some waywards are stupid and coward like mine.
Presenting a polygraph means that the BS has decided to have the truth. They can't get away.
Why don't they just spill it out when it's just a matter of time and dignity?
And he told you to bring the OW and ask? Like he hasn't hurt you enough already.

Random thoughts posted 5/25/2014 19:22 PM

Since he is still lying to you it means he still doesn't get it....most people believe they can beat a polygraph test...since they lie so well to others...

He failed because he lied period....

4everfaithful83 posted 5/25/2014 19:43 PM

Wow. All I can say is I'm so sorry. That is really terrible. I agree with what others have said - He is lying. He needs to man up. And you need to practice the 180 hard. It's all about you now darlin'. Get mad! We are all here for you, rooting for you!

Sending you strength and hugs!!

Jls0320 posted 5/25/2014 21:04 PM

Still denying. Asked me where we stood now, and if I believe him that he is telling the truth...barf. He says if I don't believe him then no point to continuing marriage. Sadly I'm torn, I just can't believe someone would not come clean after failing, could he have possibly failed when being truthful?

shiloe posted 5/25/2014 21:19 PM

Of course he is lying. By continuing to lie, deny, and demand a new test, he wants you to doubt the results, doubt yourself, and that is emotional abuse.

He probably had it in mind all along to say the test was wrong if it showed he was not being truthful.

nowiknow23 posted 5/25/2014 21:34 PM

(((((Jls0320))))) I'm so sorry, honey.

HurtinginSoCal posted 5/26/2014 01:00 AM

I'm so sorry...

This is why I fear having my WH take one....

But now you know. I'm so sorry...

HurtinginSoCal posted 5/26/2014 01:00 AM

I'm so sorry...

This is why I fear having my WH take one....

But now you know. I'm so sorry...

[This message edited by HurtinginSoCal at 1:00 AM, May 26th (Monday)]