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Has it really been that long??

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nokidding posted 5/25/2014 22:22 PM

I honestly can't remember. Has it been 7 YEARS, or maybe only 6??

For me, it has been an itch I can't scratch. It's really never there, until it's there. And then, it's insatiable.

But 7 years? That I thought about this? That's kinda sad, no? Well, yes. For me, yes.

Forgiveness is, apparently, not into vocabulary. Oh sure, I SWORE it was. But it isn't. And you know what I learned??

It's killing me. So I work on that now. Not faking it Cuzco I'm AMAZING at that. Real, true life, forgiveness.

I'm so pissed at me for my shortcomings. Frankly, I suck.

Jesus, who does that. But I love him, and he loves me. And I wonder why I deserve this man.

nokidding posted 5/25/2014 22:31 PM

Uhh, typos much?

AFrayedKnot posted 5/26/2014 18:24 PM

(((Hugs)))

authenticnow posted 5/26/2014 18:43 PM

((((((Nokidding))))))))!!!!!!

Was thinking about you recently. You told LD once that being a BS isn't a forever excuse to stay miserable, that he has to work on happiness because he deserves it and if he wants it he needs to shit or get off the pot.

Hey my friend, you deserve it too!

Good to see you here.

hear-me-roar posted 5/27/2014 11:48 AM

Yes, it really has been - for me as well, just over seven years now. It is the most perplexing part of it - how much time is still involved in just the thinking of his affair. I believe that I mainly visit SI just so I know I'm not the only one with this obsessive way of thinking.

It is a virus that has infected our brain and there is no medicine to be rid of it - an inflammatory disease of the mind. It subsides a bit, and then rises up again. It is completely disconnected from forgiving, happiness/depression, thankfulness, and the good life you can build in reconciliation. It is not a shortcoming on our parts. Please don't be hung-up on the forgiving thing. Way to much is made of that to be the cure-all to peace within. I don't intend to ever forgive my H for his affair. I don't feel there is a need to do it - for what? I don't need to do it for myself, for him, or to move forward in a good life with him. "Shit Happens"!, as the saying goes.

I read a quote once (forgot who) that read, "life is not what it is supposed to be, life is what it is". But you are right, I get that itch too and I can't scratch it either. Peace to you.

tushnurse posted 5/27/2014 13:00 PM

Was thinking about you recently. You told LD once that being a BS isn't a forever excuse to stay miserable, that he has to work on happiness because he deserves it and if he wants it he needs to shit or get off the pot.

Hey my friend, you deserve it too!

^^^^Word^^^^^

Seriously sister. You do deserve it.
Let go. You might be surprised at how light you feel.

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