Here's the problem. I was to pick her up at the restaurant they would all be having dinner at. I arrive at the appointed time, but they had just arrived. I had planned on just getting DD, hugging the DSs and leaving. Since DD hadn't eaten, I'm asked to join them for dinner. My relationship with the STBXILs is pretty good, all things considered.
But spending time with Dipshit, really hurt. He was always a really nice guy, and I know he's been working on himself with IC and GC. But I cannot ever trust my heart to him again. He's still lazy and selfish in big things. But, damn it! Why is my heart taking so long to let go?
On the plus side, while driving the two hours, I realized that I'm starting to enjoy life again. I want to continue living, and not just for my kids. (yes I'm medicated and under Dr's care) This is a really big step for me in the Depression area. Too bad my idiot heart didn't get the memo. Guess I'm really living my tagline today.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
You still ache because you have years of history. Many joys, tears and memories. Won;t there always be a part that will love him? I think you said it clearly, you know the right path for you and are walking it. I think you are doing amazing. You love because you are human. The same heart that made you the amazing person you are just needs a little more time to heal than your head does...and that;s ok.
I'm sorry. I hate that you were put in that position. I have the same issue regarding not being able to just turn that love off.
It sucks, basically.
4 kids all adults.
Married 22+ years.
I have moved on and life is good!
I cannot ever trust my heart to him again. He's still lazy and selfish in big things.
We often confuse loving someone with loving being with someone.
I guess the best thing is to be as NC as I can. I can't imagine how some couples manage to stay friends. It's not that I hate Dipshit STBX. It's that seeing him tends to draw me back in. 20 years as a couple is a lot of habit to undo.
In retrospect, I should have expected this exchange to be difficult. Next week starts our "Birthaversary" week. Dipshit's B-day, then our 19th wedding anniversary, followed by my B-day. Guess I better stock up on therapeutic ice cream and make sure I keep busy.
I would remember too that he got a major head start on the "detachment" aspect. On D-Day, he had already been detaching from you for quite a while, right? But you were not detaching from him at that point and may have even been trying to get closer to him to "fix" whatever problems you might have suspected were going on (that's what was happening to me). So while it might seem that he is so easily moving on, just remember that he got more time to deal with his emotions than you have had. It's really all so unfair in so many ways..
On the plus side, while driving the two hours, I realized that I'm starting to enjoy life again. I want to continue living, and not just for my kids.
That's HUGE! Discovering you were married to a cheating fuckwit was the lowest point in your life. Like it says in my tagline: The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
And you're on the road to fucking fabulouser!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
It's ok to go through all the feelings you are going through, you will go through many ups and downs. With my experience, I had loved the man I married, not this person who still walks this planet. The man I married would have never done what this stranger has done and continues to do. The man I married no longer exists and will never return.
It does get easier with time, it does I swear!
It often takes the heart far too long to catch up to the brain. Less than a year isn't that long to let it go. My DD was almost 5 years ago & I still think I "love" XH.
Maybe we will always "love" our Xs. But, there is a huge difference between having the love and going back to a shitty situation.
You know what you need to do and are going in that direction. In time, your heart will catch up to your head.
And it true that the more time passes, the easier it gets.
it was a subtle change, so subtle i didnt even realize that it was happening. then one day i tried to summon up that familiar love, that familiar pang, and it simply wasnt there. the ghost was gone. and damn that was one fine day.
Sigh! That sounds absolutely lovely. Can't wait for that day to come!
i received plenty of 2x4s from friends here and friends IRL when i admitted that i loved him (long after D) because there was no reason in hell i should have. yet i did. and then one day, i didn't.