I don't think I'm immune to monsters and that scares the fuck out of me. I don't think any of us are. Psychopaths are so hard to spot because they know how to act like normal, healthy people
Absolutely true. They can even fool the experts.
I married 2 sociopaths in a row. That is because they tend to hone in on people when they are vulnerable. I was extremely vulnerable when the second one preyed on me.
The lesson I've learned is to not date while I am feeling vulnerable. Wait until I recover, heal, learn, and grow strong. The last few guys I've dated came from a position of strength instead of a position of need (I didn't ever feel that I needed a guy, but there was some need in me that I may not have even acknowledged, with the first one I think I was looking for fun and adventure), and again, they can "sense" vulnerability and need like a shark with blood in the water.
Educate about sociopaths. Read Martha Stouts book, "The Sociopath Next Door" and/or Robert Hare's "Without Conscience". Those are great books for the lay person to educate them on sociopathic behavior.
There are warning signs to spot them..a few are:
they "may" make you feel sorry for them
they "may" mistreat animals
they do not show normal compassion or empathy for others
they "may" lead a parasitic lifestyle
they usually get into abnormal trouble as a child (setting fires, animal abuse, extreme vandalism/truancy)
they "may" move in fast, pretend to get attached or "LOVE" you too quickly, or throw your life into chaos so you don't understand what is happening to you.
Just one of those issues can be a red flag, but if they have several, they are not someone you want to date.
How to heal:
Educate yourself. Get counseling (usually necessary if you have PTSD from a psycho because they turn your entire world-view upside down.)
Learn to trust in yourself...realize that you DID survive a monster. If you survived once, you can again. Find yourself. Figure out who YOU are and what you value and what is important to you. Follow your dreams. Don't let the experience dictate the rest of your life. We will always have wounds, but that doesn't mean we can't have great lives in spite of them (in fact, many of us use our experience to help educate and support others, which gives us a purpose and helps us make sense of the trauma.) Realize you are a survivor, not a victim. You WERE a victim, but now you are a survivor. You are strong!
For me, after a traumatic experience, I usually need at minimum a year before dating again in order to heal, learn, educate myself, get counseling, and figure out what happened (how I got myself into the situation, what to look for next time, and what is important to me, and what I learned from the experience).
Make male friends. This is important, so your view of the male species doesn't get skewed. They aren't all sociopaths and predators, although it may seem that way, especially if you do a lot of online dating or hang out in areas that more predators congregate (although you can find them anywhere, even in church.)
There ARE great guys out there, and there ARE female sociopaths (ratio is about 4 to 1 or 7 to 1, depending on the expert).
You will never be the same. You cannot "un-know" or "un-learn" things, but you can become stronger, wiser, and more compassionate towards others because of your experiences.
((((careerlady and the others))))
ETA: I came back and edited the "MAY" into this, because not all predators are the same. Some may abuse animals, some may not. Sociopath #2 "loves" his dog but he did start a fire as a child, has no compassion for others, got me feeling sorry for him (he is a cop, big guy, heroic sort, and he still found a way to use my compassion against me), and he totally lived off of me financially. He ended up getting me very deeply in debt and I may never be able to climb out of this.....
[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 11:44 AM, May 26th (Monday)]